seasons

I'M MOVING!

2010-04-04T13:46:00.000-05:00

I'm moving to WordPress!

http://tkconcialdi.wordpress.com

So don't be looking for new blogs at this site, look at that one!

It's still a work in progress, but I've got it to a point that I really like and can now let people see it. :)

So...

Farewell Blogger! It was nice knowin' ya!

Zachary, This Is For You.

2010-04-01T01:33:00.000-05:00

A tip for all the college students/soon to be college students:

Skipping all your morning classes to sleep in until 11 + Three naps later in the afternoon DOES NOT EQUAL Going to bed early to ensure you get enough sleep for your test the next morning.

We'll see how this goes tomorrow.

On another note, I'm starting to feel more included in things. I mean, not by much, but by enough to feel like I have friends. And get this - THEY'RE MUSIC ED! I "studied" with some kids from my music ed class for a while, and I can really relate to them and be myself. Who knew?

And finally, Zachary Horst, this is for you:

2010-03-30T20:47:00.000-05:00

The more I think about it, the more my desire to teach grows. I literally cannot see myself choosing any other career and being happy. I don't even care what I teach! I can teach lessons, or a elementary music class, or an elementary math class, or even elementary english! I will be happy teaching whatever is available to me and it will bring me so much joy watching the children in my classroom grow.

Also, I've become addicted to Kit Kat bars. I used to love them as a child, but for the past five or so years I never touched them. Well, I've rediscovered them. And I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE them!

I also love the Disney channel. It's unending cheesiness and cleanliness is just so refreshing. I'll take Disney over Teen Mom anyday!

And, I still love my nose piercing! It is a little boring having to sit with my nose in warm salt water for ten minutes twice a day, but it really helps! It really draws out all the pus and gunk that's inside my skin and makes it feel less painful! But, I've been heating up the water too much lately, so I have to sit with a cotton ball that's soaked in salt water on my nose for about ten minutes before I can put my nose in the water. Otherwise, I burn myself and my nose is bright red for a good thirty minutes! But I'd rather have to wait to use hot, sterilized water than possible soak my nose in water that's not hot enough to be effective.

That is all. I will post more, loves. I promise.

Surprised?

2010-03-27T12:32:00.000-05:00

So yesterday I did something many people would not expect me to do.

I GOT MY NOSE PIERCED!

It hurt really badly, but it looks so cute! I love it!

But this morning when I woke up, it was sticking out of my nose and I was worried something bad was going down, but I called the place where I got it pierced and they told me to just push it back in! Haha :) I'm going to take really really good care of it so that the scar tissue doesn't build up and I don't get hypertrophic scarring or a keloid. That would be horrible! It's the only thing I'm worried about.

And my parents weren't too thrilled when I told them. They freaked out, but at the same time they were also understanding. My mom's response (this was before I got it pierced and I told her I was going to) was a lot of whining and saying stuff like "Why would you do this? I never thought one of my kids would want that! Why are you doing this to yourself? I would tell you no, but you're an adult now and I can't!" and then my dad's response (this was after I got it pierced and I told him I did it) was "This is all a joke right? You're just kidding with me right?" and then once I convinced him I actually did it he was like "Were you drunk? Were you on drugs?" and once I convinced him I was completely sober he finally said "Well I guess everybody needs something to show off their individuality and make them unique."

But it's really not that bad. It's not super noticeable, and the good thing is if I decide I don't like it, I just take it out, the hole closes up, and I go on like nothing happened. But I don't think I'll be doing that any time soon. ;)

Well here's some pictures of each stage of the process :) Enjoy

Pre-piercing nerves

Piercing! It was SO painful!

If you look closely, you can see the needle that just went through my nose in front of his left index finger.

Pierced Nose!

Thoughts?

Orange.

2010-03-18T00:34:00.000-05:00

I feel like I don't fit in anywhere.

I don't fit in with my high school friends anymore, because we're just all off in different directions and lost contact.
I don't fit in with my "church" friends, because I went the to the school that was farthest away so I never see any of them so I don't understand inside jokes or updates about life.
I don't fit in in at OU because everyone who's anyone is in a Sorority or Frat. I have no desire.
I don't fit in at any of the churches in Norman because they've all already made their cliques and circles and I feel like an intruder.
I don't fit in with Jon and his friends because they're all petroleum engineers, and I'm just a mere music education major.
I don't fit in with Jon because he doesn't really have the time for me, since getting a degree in PE is so time consuming.
I don't fit in with my family because my siblings are still young and immature and don't really want to spend time with me.

I'm just left out everywhere I go.

I feel like an orange trying to take up residence in an apple tree.

I Love My Job!

2010-03-15T11:32:00.000-05:00

I worked on Saturday and Sunday, and each day I love my job more and more!

Saturday I had to work inside all day, so it was kind of boring. But Jon and Ethan came to see me! They hit some balls on the driving range and hung out inside with me a little bit. But then they left and I was back to playing Sudoku on my phone. But I made a lot of money!

And yesterday was THE BOMB! I worked inside for four hours and was smart enough to bring something to do. I'm currently reading Dear John by Nicholas Sparks so I can see the movie, but I have a feeling the movie isn't going to be worth seeing. I'm not really a fan of Amanda Seyfried or whatever. Anyways, then I went on the cart for four hours! I didn't make quite as much tips as I would have liked, but I still made forty bucks! AND two guys gave me FIVE DOLLAR TIPS! The first one was because I was driving along in my golf cart (Starting at the hole and working my way to the tee) and saw someone about to hit the ball towards the hole so I stopped off to the side. He hits it, yells FORE!, and next thing I know a golf ball hits my wind screen. It was hilarious! So we drive to meet eachother and I crack a few jokes and ask if he wants anything, and he gets a drink and gives me five dollars because it's the "least he could do since he scared me so bad." AWESOME!! And then (I have to backtrack a bit) while I was working inside, this asian guy who's probably in his late twenties came in and got a 6 pack of Bud Light and introduced himself to me. His name is Shaun. Anyways, he was upset there wouldn't be a cart girl because I told unless somebody else comes to work inside, I'm stuck inside. But Cathy came, and I got to go out on the cart! So I see them and they're yelling "TAYLOR! TAYLOR!" and I'm like "Hey Shaun! Hey guys! Can I get y'all anything to drink or eat? More Bud Light?" and they were like yeah! So I filled them up and went on my way. Then on my second round, I see them again. They're on one side of a pond about to hit their ball and I'm on the other side. One guy hits the ball and it looks like it went in the water, and then all the sudden there's a ball bouncing and rolling next to me. So they drive over and I said "Did you make that ball skip across teh water?!" and he said "Yeah, wasn't that awesome! You need to follow us around! You're my good luck charm!" And I refilled their 6 pack and went on my way. THEN I saw them one more time and they got ANOTHER 6 pack! And that's the time they gave me a 5 dollar tip.

So what I've found about my job is if I act really open and friendly, maybe flirt a bit, be really outgoing, I get more tips. :) And it doesn't hurt that I'm not ugly. Haha

Also, I love the people I work with. I mean, I'm the only Cart Girl, but there are a lot of guys who do other things on the golf course. Maintenance things. And they're all the age of my dad. And they act really fatherly towards me and joke around with me. They all remind me of my dad and his buddies. And actually one guy, Tom, who is the most fatherly and looks out for me while still cracking jokes at me, has a son, Kyle, who looks EXACTLY like Garrett (except darker skin and dark hair) and acts exactly like him, too! AND I think they're about the same age! I was hanging out with him inside and it was just uncanny. I can't get over it.

Anyways, sorry this is such a long post. I just really love my job!

Busy Bee!

2010-03-10T16:58:00.000-06:00

The last few weeks have been insane!

Unfortunately, I can only remember the last few days. When I get stressed out, I tend to forget things that have happened. Haha. These are small examples, but for instance, when I audition for something, I can't remember how I played five minutes after I'm done. I just go on auto-pilot. So the last few weeks I have just been on auto-pilot the whole time.

But here are some quick updates:

I am ROCKING my classes! I mean, it's not as good as last semester when I had a 100 in Spanish and basically a high A in everything else. I'm afraid some of my grades will be borderline A, but I'm sure I can pull it off. ) BTW, I got a 98 on my Music in Cultures test. BOOM ROASTED!
I've been advised and planned out my schedule for next semester! 18 hours! I feel like that's a lot, but when I remember that right now I'm taking 17 hours, it puts me at ease. Oh and the best part about next semester is I won't have any class earlier than 8:30! I know 8:30 seems early to some, but this semester and last I've had 8:00 classes. No matter what you say, I believe that 30 minutes really makes a difference in how I sleep!
I really like the pieces I'm learning in piano right now. They're really pretty. My favorite is The Little Girls' Dance by Niels Gade. I've found all of my favorite pieces so far have been Romantic.
My roommate, Amy, is obsessed with the show Sex and The City. So of course, I am now hooked, too. I started watching halfway through the last season, then went back to the beginning, and now I'm watching the entire series from the beginning. This seems to be how I start watching all TV shows. That's how it happened with LOST, The Office, Gilmore Girls, etc. I always start watching at the end.
I feel like this seems dumb to be posting about, but things have been going REALLY WELL with Jon lately. It was tough at the beginning of last semester and this semester because we saw each other SO MUCH. It seemed like we were always fighting. But the last few weeks have been really great. I feel how I did when we first started dating, which is what I've been asking for all year.

And finally, (and most importantly), I GOT A JOB!!! It's not super consistent, and it's not really convenient (in a way), but I LOVE IT. Jon's aunt (Cathy), who lives in Moore, called me last Friday and asked if I could start working at two of the golf courses where she works! So I started the next day.

What is my job, you ask? Well let me tell you.

I'm the "Cart Girl." Basically, I drive the golf cart around and sell beer to old men. Ironic? I think so. I've never touched so much beer in my life. BUT the tips are AWESOME!!! And all the people that work there are really nice and feel like family already! It's weird, because I'm the youngest person who works there by about at least twenty years, but I feel like I fit in.

So I won't be coming home as early as I thought for Spring Break because I'm working this weekend, but that's okay. I desperately need the money! I'm so excited about it!

Podunk.

2010-02-27T18:20:00.000-06:00

This has been an emotional week. I'm not even sure why.

Thursday I had an Observation for Teaching Techniques. The class we were observing is in Noble, this little podunk town outside of Norman. It's literally about four streets by four streets wide. This is key to find the irony in this story.

So I got a ride with my friend Andy, Julia, and P.J. so that I wouldn't feel the pressure of driving. I hate driving to places I don't know. So we all cram into Andy's little mustang hotrod (he strikes me as more of a big red, hick truck kind of guy) and drive to Noble. The class starts at 10:45 am. We leave about 10:30, which should be enough time to get to Noble Middle School. However, nobody looked up directions on how to get there because we all assumed somebody else would (you know what they say about when you assume...). But luckily, Julia had her iPhone and mapquested it. So we're driving along, all hunky dory, and we're following the directions perfectly, and it brings us to Pioneer Intermediate/Elementary School. Not the right place. So then we drive a little farther down the street (and by a little further I literally mean one block) and see this other school looking building. We also see some of our friends from class walking out of the building. They say it's an administration building, and they got directions. So we follow them. Those directions took us to Noble High School. Not the right place. So then some of our OTHER friends from class call Andy asking if we had found it yet. Nope. But those other friends had gotten directions from this lady on the street, so we followed their directions. It took us to an elementary school. Not the right place. But we saw this other school a little up the street so we went there. ANOTHER elementary school. Not the right place! Finally we just decide to drive around to the ONLY place we hadn't driven, and guess what? We found the middle school. We walk into the classroom forty-five minutes late, sit down, and about two minutes later, the class is dismissed. We spent forty-five minutes driving no father than three streets horizontally and about six streets vertically looking for this dumb middle school. What a story!

Last night, Jon, Ethan, Kaylie and I went to see 2012. I felt like the movie was drawn on too long, and too unrealistic. The main character, Jackson, makes all these close escapes without even a scratch! I was over the movie when he fell into the pit created by an earthquake/volcanoe, and climbed out totally unscathed. Anyways, ironically, today there are tsunami threats in Hawaii, Alaska, and California. Freaky.

And today I went job hunting. NOBODY is hiring right now. But I guess I'll still apply.
Oh and, I had made plans to go to some free swing dance lessons with Jon, except Jon didn't know about it. I just told him not to plan anything after 5:30. I called him and he was working on a lab with his lab group and said he'd have to stay late. The lessons started at 6, and I still haven't heard from him. I'm really upset. So I think I'll go practice bassoon and piano now to relieve my emotions.
I was really looking forward to this.

Woohoo!

2010-02-22T21:18:00.000-06:00

So I had three tests (back to back to back) last Wednesday morning. I got a 92 on my first one (Theory), a 93 on my second one (Spanish), and I'm pretty sure I aced the last one (Music in Culture). Hopefully I get the last one back Wednesday.

Well, I think I aced it. I know I aced the test portion (it was all just memorizing and regurgitating the facts back. I finished in ten minutes. And that's including double checking my work, and waiting for my teacher to play the song excerpts a second time.) but the essay portion I'm pretty SURE I did okay. But the GA is grading them. And she seems like a ... you know what. Haha. So we'll see what happens.

I have three (possible four) quizzes tomorrow. A keyboard quiz, where we have to play a I IV I V I chord progression (in different inversions in the right hand) and any key she gives us. Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezey. Then I possibly have a singing quiz in that same class. I don't know, because we each have to sing one at a time, and she only does two people a day. So, yeah. It sucks. Then I have a spanish vocab quiz. I know about half of the words. I'll probably make flash cards after this. And then I have a "patterns quiz." The teacher will sing TWO notes (not even kidding! two!) and we have to sing them back. Man I love being a music major! Hahah

I wish I wrote deeper, more philosophical blogs. But I can't.

Maybe one of these days I'll write a blog in spanish! That would be fun! I attempted to write a letter to Jon in spanish once. I gave up after "Dear Jon. Right now I'm in my room and I'm very bored. Right now you are at (wherever he was.. I don't remember). I love you. I don't know what to say" or something like that. Then I reverted back to my natural language.

I really love spanish though. If I wasn't trying to graduate early, I would maybe consider minoring in it. It's just so interesting!

Weekend.

2010-02-21T13:41:00.000-06:00

This has been a really nice weekend!

Friday evening, Jon went to stay with his aunt in Moore with his mom, so I thought I was going to be really lonely. But Amy and I went to go see Princess and the Frog. DON'T spend money on it. It was weird. And then after that we got dinner. And then I went to bed. Nice, and relaxing Friday night.

Saturday was really chill, too. I slept in, watched Pocahontas and other Disney shows. And then Jon's mom and I went out for a coffee date/Walmart run while Jon was at the men's basketball game. It was a lot of fun! We bought Jon a new fish since his last one died. He doesn't have good luck with fish. And then the three of us went to PadThai after Jon got out. It was really good! And then after that Jon's mom left and Ethan came over and we WERE going to watch The Office, but I guess they didn't show a new one last Thursday? Bummer. So we watched some SNL skits, YouTube videos, and 16 & Pregnant. :) I've got Jon hooked on the show, too!

And today I slept in, got some Burger King, and now Amy and I are watchign The Hangover. Not my choice, but she thinks it's hilarious. I might take a nap.

This is a weekend I've needed.

Trust.

2010-02-19T22:03:00.000-06:00

Trust is a funny thing.
Once it's broken, it's so hard to gain it back.

Why can't everything just stay the same.

Stress.

2010-02-17T17:58:00.002-06:00

This has been a stressful week.

Early!

2010-02-15T15:51:00.000-06:00

This weekend was a blast! Zachary came up with my Mom and Jenny & Tyler played an AWESOME concert and Amy's boyfriend Taylor came up! And Valentine's Day was GREAT. Jon sure does know how to be romantic! And I'll explain more about all of this later (probably after Wednesday - I have THREE tests Wednesday morning! One at 8:30, one at 9:30, one at 10:30. SUCKS!) but I just wanted to keep the three people who read this updated with my current decisions and whatnot.

Friday afternoon I had a meeting with the temporary head of the Music Education department (the normal guy is on sebbatacle) and talked about the possibility of graduating early. By early, I mean one semester early. Which will mean I'll be graduating in four years instead of four and a half. So technically, I'm graduating on time. But for music majors, it's WAY early! Graduating early is pretty much unheard of! But I'm going to do it! I'll have to take two summers of summer school, and that's basically it! I mean, I'll have to take the classes that are originally in my Senior Spring Semester in my Junior Spring Semester, but since I came into college with so many Gen Ed's, that's a piece of cake. AND I'll never have to take more than 18 hours a semester! I HAVE to take extra classes in order to be a full time student my senior year and keep my scholarships. So if I wanted to, I could just take 14-16 hours each semester, and I won't have to find some random just-for-fun class my senior year. But I might want to do that anyways. ;)

So that's my new goal.
I WILL be graduated in May of 2013, not December.
I WILL be one of the few Music Ed majors to graduate EARLY/ON TIME!

I am so excited about this!

Oh, and I also have a friend who is like me (came in with a lot of credits) and we're going to do all of this together! We'll be each other's support!

Did I mention how excited I was?

Mini-Rant

2010-02-09T18:31:00.000-06:00

I feel like I've posted a lot today.

I guess I'm just in the blogging mood because I have to keep up with a blog for my Teaching Techniques class. I have to blog about twice a week. And since I haven't done that AT ALL this semester, I need to write about eight blogs by Friday. I've already written two so far. Only at least six to go!

Anyways, I was taking an online survey and it was asking me things for just statistics (i.e. What is your age? What is your ethnicity? What country do you live in?) and one of the questions asked "What is your profession?" and it's multiple choice. I obviously put "Full-time Student," but there was an option that said "Full-time Parent, Homemaker."

That really pushed my buttons. You are not a "full-time parent" only if you're a stay-at-home mom. EVERY parent is a "full-time parent." Parents who work aren't "part-time parents!" If you have a child, you are his/her mother/father ALL THE TIME.

Ugh.

Mini-rant over.

Random

2010-02-09T14:42:00.000-06:00

I know I already posted today, but I just feel like posting again.

I just want to let everyone know that nothing weird is going on. I just have a lot on my plate right now. Some things didn't turn out the way I would have imagined, but I guess that's the way life works.

Friday night was the Engineering Ball. It was weird and a little awkward. It was very small, and there was a bar. But I got my dancing shoes on (and by that I mean I took off the shoes I was wearing so I could dance) and boogied. But then Jon and the couple we were with wanted to leave to go to this party at his house (the guy in the couple). So we went. There was drinking. I was uncomfortable. That's probably the first REAL party I went to where the main goal of it was to get drunk. But we all went upstairs and played video games. Haha. I'm obsessed! It's called Feeding Frenzy. You're a fish and you eat smaller fish and avoid the bigger fish that will eat you. And once you eat enough smaller fish, you turn into a bigger fish! It's awesome. And very educational. So I guess something good came out of this party? Haha

Sunday was the Super Bowl (I never know if this is supposed to be one word or two? I guess two?). See earlier post.

Yesterday I had SO much homework to do. I was very stressed out.

Today is my best day of the week. It's the least busy class-wise. So in about an hour I'll do my fish Middle School Tutoring session! I'm excited. Amy and I both do it, so she'll show me the ropes. And after that I'm going to Zumba. And then my tons of homework that I'm putting off.

Right now I'm using the Crest WhiteStrips that whiten your teeth. It's the first time I've used them. I haven't decided if I like them yet. I don't really enjoy having stuff stuck in my mouth for long periods of time. I keep running my tongue over the strips and it's just so awkward. And the inside of my lip feels really weird. But I'm going to stick with it. I'll have whiter teeth in no time! Oh and I've started flossing. Not regularly, but I gotta start somewhere, right?

Emotions.

2010-02-09T12:17:00.000-06:00

My emotions have gone haywire. It's wearing me down.

This has been a rough weekend/week. I am so stressed out. I have so much to do! And I don't have any time because I keep committing myself to new things! Yes, they're small commitments, but still. Last semester my days were pretty much the same routine. This semester it's crazy. Weird breaks in between classes, I've started tutoring middle schoolers on Tuesday, I'm taking Group Fitness classes, I think I'm going to start going to Antioch's LifeGroups.

I feel like I just don't have time, anymore. I guess I'm going to have to start getting used to going to bed past 11 and getting less than 8 hours of sleep. This semester's tough.

Behind.

2010-02-08T15:38:00.000-06:00

I feel really behind in school already. Maybe that's because I missed a day of classes for my grandma's funeral and then we had two snow days in a row. Or maybe it's because my classes are A LOT harder than last semester and I'm just used to breezing through things. Or maybe I studied more last semester and I've been spending more time goofing off and not studying or doing my homework. Whatever it is, I'm behind. And I don't like it. I feel like I can never catch up. Like I'm just drowning in behind-ness. I don't know.

Superbowl

2010-02-07T22:19:00.000-06:00

Today was the first Superbowl in ... four years? where I was not at Zachary Horst's house surrounded by people I know. Instead, Jon and I went to our friend Ethan's house. There were maybe ten people there. I knew four or five of them (two of them I've never really talked to before. We're just at Ethan's house so much that I'm around them often). We actually WATCHED the game. Well, I spent most of my time absentmindedly staring at the TV while lost in thought. I actually saw and processed only one touchdown of the game. Everything else I don't really remember seeing.

This was the weirdest superbowl ever.

Shock.

2010-02-07T02:03:00.000-06:00

I hate being shocked. I don't mean physically. I mean emotionally. I mean mentally.

I hate finding out that people are changing. I can handle seeing someone change gradually. But it's so hard to handle when it all comes at you at once and you suddenly realize they aren't who they used to be. It's hard to grasp that things will never be the same. It's hard to accept that things are no longer how they once were and it can never go back.

I don't like growing up. I don't like what it brings.

I Love To Dance!

2010-02-03T23:31:00.001-06:00

The Band Banquet for the Pride was last Saturday. Unfortunately, the weather caused the banquet to be cancelled. BUT school was cancelled Thursday and Friday! Woohoo!

So I was pretty bummed out that I was missing a chance to get dressed up and pretty and go to a nice event. And then told me the Engineers' Winter Ball is on Friday! That only gave me about five days to decide on a dress to wear. Oh, men, when will you ever learn that girls need AT LEAST two weeks to prepare for a dance/banquet?

So now Jon and I, our best-friends-to-be Ethan and Kaylie (and by best-friends-to-be I mean they will soon be Jon and mine's best friends. They're already dating), and Amy (roommate) and Taylor (her bf) are all going to the Ball! (It took some effort to convince Amy to go. But I'm excited she is!) I didn't really have a nice dress, so I borrowed one of Laney's, but it doesn't fit exactly right. So Amy and I (Amy doesn't have a dress, either) went to Target and Kohl's today to go Valentine's Day shopping, get an application to Kohl's (they aren't hiring. Bummer.) and possibly look at dresses. But as we pull up to Kohls we decide that we really don't feel like trying on any clothes. So we walk into the store and all these cute dresses are staring us in the face. So naturally, I try them on. THEY FIT ME PERFECTLY!!! THAT NEVER HAPPENS! So I bought one. IT'S SO HOTTTT!! I am so excited! I can't wait to dance!

Letters

2010-02-02T14:46:00.000-06:00

Today I was reading an article (many of you do not know that I have a guilty pleasure type of obsession with shine.yahoo.com. In my spare time, I read articles about everything there is. It's how I keep up with life.) about a woman who has a child with Tourette's. This woman is actually one of the writers of the weekly love articles (I think), but she started talking about how more often than not, when women have their first child, the husbands get pushed aside. This isn't the point of my story though. She mentioned briefly that she has kept a journal of letters that she wrote to her child before he was born. Just letters about how she's going to love him no matter what he turns out to be and stuff like that. It inspired me.

I really enjoy writing letters to Jon and mailing them to him even though we only live a few minutes away now. I guess that's the hopeless romantic in me. I'm a sucker for old-fashioned things. Anyways, today I decided to write a letter to my future child (IMPORTANT NOTE: I am NOT pregnant. Nor will I be until I'm married. I don't want any drama/confusion/rumors spread haha). It felt really odd, but at the same time, I can just imagine him/her reading it when they're older. Or having his/her father read it to them when they're a few years old. Or if (hopefully not, though) something were to happen to me in child birth and early in their life, I want them to know that I looked forward to being their mom so much. I basically said in the letter that I'm 19 years old right now, and even though starting a family is quite a while away, I want them to know that I think about them a lot and look forward to my future with them and that I'll always love them no matter who they are, where they live, or how old they are (because they'll always be my baby). And I've decided I'm going to this quite a bit. I don't mean write a letter every day, but maybe once a year. And I was very careful not to say anything that could make them think that I was hoping for a girl for my first child (in case it's a boy), or anything about a father (since I don't know who that will be), or anything about how I hope their future will be (ex: I hope we'll be rich so I can give you everything you need and more.) because I don't want it to seem like I couldn't provide for them if the future didn't turn out that way. Mostly I just talked about how I want them to be happy and that's my goal in life. To provide my kids with what they need to be successful and happy to the best of my ability.

I know that might be weird, but I really hope it'll mean a lot to my future kid. I hope it's something they'll treasure forever.

Stress

2010-01-25T23:17:00.000-06:00

Today has been so stressful.

Since I'm not going to be at school Wednesday, I've had to do all the homework that's due Tomorrow, Wednesday, AND Thursday tonight. That's a lot of stuff to do! And it doesn't help that I have no idea if I'm doing the theory homework correctly (my brain just can't wrap itself around the concept of Sevenths. I don't really understand how to get a half-diminished seventh and stuff. But I guess that's why I'm at college.), I had to do some dictation homework (for those of you who are non-musicians or don't know what that means, it means listening to a melody, a complex rhythm, or a series of regular and inverted chords, and figuring out what it is without looking at anything and writing it down. I've never been good at learning things by ear) and one of the chords just doesn't make sense. I think it's a Five Seventh (I have no idea how to write that out without the roman numerals and subcriptions - and there we are with the Sevenths again!), but it sounds like there's only two notes in it. Ugh! And, nobody ever does their homework before the night before it's due, so I have nobody to compare with! I hate our generation of procrastinators! I also have a Spanish quiz tomorrow. My brain is so filled with everything else I have to remember for the next few days that I can't remember all the dumb words. And it's all food! It should be easy! But no. UGHHH I AM SO STRESSED.

2010-01-23T22:46:00.000-06:00

I've been doing so good this week. I've been staying busy. I haven't been dwelling. I went to Jon's the night I found out and just sobbed. And after that, I told myself I was going to put it behind me at least until the funeral, and then I'm going to move on. I've been doing so good. But tonight, I have nothing to do. Nobody to talk to. Nothing to distract me but my computer and my TV. And I can't help but think about how she's not going to be there at Easter, or my birthday, or Thanksgiving, or Christmas. I wish I hadn't thrown all the birthday and Christmas cards from her away. Nobody close to me has ever died before. I mean, my aunt died when I was in middle school. But she lived in North Carolina and I only saw her a few times in my life. My mom's best friend's son died. He lived in Louisiana, and I have many memories of hanging out with him and his brothers when we would visit or when they would. But I hadn't seen him in years before he died. But I saw Grandma multiple times a year. It's going to be so weird.

I can't even remember her voice anymore.

MORE!

2010-01-22T19:56:00.000-06:00

I would just like to point out that within a few weeks, I've posted more blogs than I did in a full year.

The first week of school is done! I had two quizzes today. I think I made a 100 on my theory one, and I got 43.5/44 on my Spanish one. But, I'm going to get a 0 next week on a theory quiz because I'm flying home and I'll miss it. But luckily we have like 50 or so quizzes in that class (3 a week) so it shouldn't hurt me too much.

I'm flying home next Tuesday night for my grandma's funeral next Wednesday. And then I'm flying back to Norman Wednesday night. I can't remember if I already said that in another post. It's been a long day.

Jon's out of town this weekend, and all of my friends are busy. This is going to be super boring.

And finally, I love Disney.

Group Fitness

2010-01-22T12:10:00.000-06:00

I paid for a Group Fitness membership today! Woohoo! I'm so excited! I love Zumba. It's awkward and sometimes hard, but I love it. And it makes my legs so sore. My inner thighs burn every time I walk. I love it.

I think I'm going to do Zumba twice a week, if not more. The class I'll go to on Monday with Laney is easy. And then the hard class is Tuesday and Thursday. Amy made me go yesterday. Ouch. Haha.

And I'm really excited about beginning yoga! I know I'm going to suck because I have HORRIBLE balance, but maybe this will help? But I have to miss the first class because I'm flying home next Tuesday for Grandma's funeral Wednesday morning and flying back later on Wednesday, and I'm only assuming I won't get back in time for them class. But who knows? I haven't booked my flight yet, so maybe I will be back by 7:45. But I kind of want to just stay at home for as long as possible, so my flight will probably be late.

ZUMBA

2010-01-20T20:24:00.000-06:00

Since I wasn't in the mood to really update about how my first day of classes went yesterday, I'll update about it today.

I have 8:30am/8:00am classes again this semester. And I will have them for the next two semesters as well. Remind me why I picked Music Ed?

Anyways, TR I have Aural Skills II, then Spanish Cont., then Teaching Techniques.

I'm nervous about Aural Skills because even though the grading scale is now 90-100 is an "A" (as opposed to last semester when 93-100 was an "A"), it's going to get a lot harder. And the only reason I made an A last semester was because I got two extra credit points on my final grade because I didn't miss any class. We'll see how that goes. I'll just have to practice a lot? I'm really bad at Sight Singing and Dictation. Ugh.

Spanish will be okay. My teacher's name is Lourdes Yen. Confused about her ethnicity? Her first name is Spanish because she was born somewhere in Latin America and lived there her whole life. Her last name is Taiwanese because she's Taiwanese. So she has the (pardon my stereotyping) high pitched, nasal-y voice of asian women. And her accent when she tries to speak english is so strange. It's hard to understand her spanish AND her english. But I think it's just something I have to get accustomed to. I actually enjoy spanish though. I wish I could be fluent in it, but after this semester, I have no more room to take more classes since it's a 5 hour course.

Teaching Techniques is going to be a blast. I love being in Music Ed because the same group of people are in the same classes semester to semester. Teaching Tech. is the same group of kids as my Intro to Music Ed class. So we already have our relationships formed and know each other well enough to goof around. Example: We had to go around the circle and say our name, what we play, and what we think our strongest teacher feature is. When it got to me, I said "I'm Taylor, I play bassoon, and I think my strongest point is my flexibility..." and before I could continue on with my sentence, everybody started laughing because that could be taken the wrong way. And I'm pretty sure my face got red. But I'm not worried about it because we're a great group of kids. It's going to be a great class. Oh, and what I meant by flexibility is my ability to teach in different styles and alter the methods I use to teach kids that learn differently. I eventually got that out after the giggles died down.

Now I'll update you about my classes today. (But first, I want to let you know that having the first day of classes on a Tuesday really is throwing me off. AND it doesn't help that last semester, Aural Skills was MWF, and now it's TR. And last semester Theory was TR and now it's MWF.) MWF I have Theory, Spanish, and Music in Cultures back to back to back with no break. Gross. Then, depending on which band I make, I'll either go straight Wind Ensemble, or have a two hour break and go to Symphony Band. And W will be the worst because I'll have my piano lesson AND bassoon studio.

Theory: I like last semester's professor a lot better. But I guess I'm not really giving this new one a chance. But I'm excited about learning more theory. I really enjoyed that class, and I did really well. The only thing that makes me nervous is that we have a quiz EVERY DAY. Yikes.

Spanish: See a few paragraphs above this.

Music in Cultures: Oh. My. Gosh. I don't even know where to start. I THINK this class is about music of the native americans/indigenous people all over the world. But I can't be sure because the teacher is on Speed or something. She's somewhat old, talks really fast, and goes off on random tangents about everything. She'll stop mid-sentence and be like "Oh and don't even get me started on blah blah blah" and talks about that forever until something else comes up. It's just really hard to follow her. But I've heard the class is really easy so hopefully I'll be okay.

I'm also going to sign up for some Group Fitness Classes. This week, the classes are free. So I went to the "easy" Zumba class after my band auditions (I was really nervous about the auditions, but it ended up being really relaxed. And I think I did really well considering I didn't get to practice much since I had my teeth extracted). I got there about ten minutes late because the auditions were running late, so I went to the back with Ashley (future roommate), her sister Sarah, and her hallmate Catherine (or is it with a "K"? I can't remember). Amy (my current roommate) and her BFF Alanna were in the front. Basically, I LOVE ZUMBA. I felt really awkward because my coordination has drastically gotten worse since I quit dance seven years ago. But it was a lot of fun. It really got my heart pumping. I'm so out of shape. I'm hoping this will help me get in shape. So I'm going to take a Zumba class Monday nights, and Amy and I are going to take a Beginning Yoga class Wednesday nights. I'm so excited!

So, that's what school looks like for me. I haven't decided what I think of it, yet.

Today

2010-01-19T22:55:00.001-06:00

Today was the first day of classes.

Today my grandmother passed away.

Back at School

2010-01-18T17:28:00.000-06:00

I'm back at OU. I have to admit, the urges to update my blog have decreased to almost nothing. But I'm updating it anyways!

I got back Saturday evening. Jon and I caravanned to Norman. However, we were delayed because at the gas station where we stopped outside of Dallas, I locked my keys in my car. This is a mistake I often make. But usually, one of the other doors are unlocked. This time they weren't. So I had to call AAA (I never know whether to write "Triple A" or "AAA." But you get the picture.) and wait for them to send a wrecker to open my car. Other than that, it was a pretty smooth trip.

Yesterday, Jon and I ran some errands. One of those was picking out a new fish for Jon! I convinced him to get two since they were only 28 cents. One's big with bright orange and yellow. The other's one's small and extremely hyper. I love them.

Today, Jon and I went out to eat with his new roommate, Koen. Koen is from the Netherlands. He's an exchange student studying American Studies (weird, right?) for his Masters. He's so cute! I love his accent! And he's extremely tall and 24. Haha. Anyways, when I read his name, I thought it would be pronounced "Coh-In" but it's not. It's like "Coon." Like raccoon without the ra. But I think Jon and his other roommates are going to call him Coh-in anyways.

Then I practiced bassoon in my dorm room. It was weird. I felt really self-conscious because the walls are paper thin. But I couldn't practice for long because the back of my mouth (where my wisdom teeth used to be) started to hurt. When I play bassoon, there's a lot of back pressure and so I guess since the holes aren't totally healed it started to hurt. I don't know how this is going to work out since I have band and lessons and studio and stuff. I'm getting kind of nervous.

Classes start tomorrow. It's going to be so weird starting on a Tuesday. I hate my schedule this semester. I feel like I'm in high school again because I go from 8 am to 2:30/4:00 depending on the day. It sucks.

I want to teach.

2010-01-15T14:17:00.001-06:00

Ryan, invite me to read your blog!

Okay. Now that I got that out of my system.

Yesterday was my mom's birthday! I woke up, took a shower, and then spent the WHOLE day with her. We went to lunch, went to the mall, came home and took a power nap that ended up only being a few minutes because we had to go to Jersey Village to watch my brother wrestle his first Varsity match. He got pinned pretty quickly :( I felt so sad for him, because that was the only time he could wrestle. I miss him wrestling. I hope he gets really good, gets a full ride to OU, and then we'll be there for a semester together and I can go to his matches! Then we (mom and me) went to a hibachi grill with my aunt and my neighbor. I love that place. Then we came home and went to bed. Haha

Today I went to two elementary schools. At the first, I sat in on some one-on-one Special Ed classes. If I did Special Ed, that's what I'd want to do. Elementary school one-on-one stuff. Not para, not Life Skills. The little boys that were there were so adorable and the gratification of teaching a student with disabilities how to read and add. Oh it was just amazing. And I sat in on the music class. I'm torn, because I really want to do the S.E. but I really want to do the general music. Maybe it will all work out one day. At the second school, I sat in on some Music Therapy sessions. I now know that is not what I want to do. Yes, it was cool, and yes, I could do it. But I'd be happier being a teacher. I want to teach. I'm meant to be a teacher.

My Day

2010-01-13T21:48:00.000-06:00

I forgot how great it is to just talk about everything.

Zachary Wilbur Horst, I've missed you.

I miss having someone to talk to for hours and hours about everything and not worrying about judgements and all that jazz.

I took Garrett (my brother) to the dentist today. We got there on time for our 3:00 appointment. We left at 5:00. I was peeved. But I knit the whole time. I finished the dumb scarf I've been working on for a year. Okay, not really a year. I took a semester long break. But still. AND it's ugly. Ugh. I hate it. My mom said she would take it. So I gave it to her. Haha I doubt she'll wear it. But now I can start on a new one. A pretty one. The other one was only ugly because of the yarn I chose. It just wasn't working.

Tomorrow is my mom's birthday! We're going to lunch and then just hanging out.

Knitting, Baking, and Flushing

2010-01-12T23:46:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I got a knitting book at Barnes & Noble. So naturally, I've been knitting all day. Literally. I feel pretty proud of myself. I learned how to purl stitch, made a large swatch of the "Basket Weave Pattern" and made a swatch where it's argyles. Yes, I knit argyle. I'm super excited to make a scarf with it. I also learned how to weave the extra yarn when I'm finished back into the scarf, rather than tying a knot and cutting it and hoping it never comes undone. I wish I had more time to knit.

Jon came over for dinner with my family. Earlier today I read Jenny & Tyler's blog about the recipe for brownies from scratch. So, as Jon & Taylor, we decided to make them! They were pretty good! But when Jon was measuring the unsweetened cocoa, instead of measuring 4 tablespoons, he accidentally did 4 spoons that equaled 4 teaspoons. So instead of 4 tablespoons, it was 16 teaspoons. Oops! So the brownies weren't as sweet as they were supposed to be. But we did a quick fix and sprinkled powder sugar on it! I had never made brownies from scratch before. I love baking things from scratch. I feel so accomplished. When I have a family, I'm going to be the type of mom that bakes all day. I can't wait. I also can't wait to have my own apartment next semester with a kitchen.

Also, after dinner, I had to use the Syringe of Doom and stick the syringe INTO the holes in my mouth and flush it out with water. Unfortunately, my stomach is not that strong. I couldn't even handle watching the doctor do it in the mirror. So I had Mom do it. Not fun. Fdhgsjlfgajhdg.

Tomorrow I'm getting breakfast with Zach! And afterwards I'm getting lunch with Jon. And then I'm starting to pack to leave. It will be a fun and busy day tomorrow.

2010-01-11T17:42:00.001-06:00

I forgot I wanted to update about some of the stuff that happened today.

I had my one week check up with my surgeon who took out my wisdom teeth. People have been telling me about this Syringe of Doom they had to do. I thought I just didn't have one. I do. I got it today. I have to stick the tip of the syringe INTO the holes in my mouth and flush out whatever is in there with water. I freaked out just watching the doctor do it to me in the mirror. I am not going to be able to do this. Which is why I love the convenience of having my boyfriend live a minute away at school. He is the best. I asked him if he'd do it for me so I wouldn't have to throw up every time I tried, and he said yes. Oh, my man is definitely a keeper. (:

I also got a knitting book at Barnes & Noble with mom today. I wish I had more time to knit.

Not Bored Enough?

2010-01-11T17:18:00.001-06:00

I've been wanting to just post a list of Likes and Dislikes, but, surprisingly, I haven't been bored enough the past few days to do that. It'll happen soon. I feel it.

Yesterday I went to lunch with some PALs friends. One thing I've realized since being in college is that while PALs was an organization that was alcohol and tobacco free, it was more about the attitudes and the decisions. I'm not a PAL anymore, but I consider myself one because I'm still holding myself to the standards that PALs held me too. I'm a PAL because of the decisions I make. I don't make those decisions because I'm (well, used to be) a PAL.

Then Morgan and I went to our hair stylist. She got her hair colored and I got mine cut. I look pretty hot now, not gunna lie. ;)

Then we went to pick up my Uncle Tom and Aunt Michele (they're in from Nevada to visit my Grandma in the hospital) and we saw Avatar. Really great movie! I thought it would be dumb. I felt really odd seeing it with them though because before my extended family went their separate ways on Christmas Day, Grandma asked me if I wanted to see Avatar with her that weekend and since I was getting ready to leave for El Paso, I never made the time. And then she had her heart attack while I was gone. I felt like I was cheating on her or something.

Then after that, we all went to the hospital and saw Grandma. She's doing "better" I guess. She still has breathing tubes and feeding tubes. But she opens her eyes and moves her head a little bit when we talk to her. I miss her. I hope she gets better.

Then immediately after that I went to pick up Jon and we had a double date with Alexa and Panda. We went to McDonald's for ice cream and then to Kroger. I've always wanted to have a Kroger date! We each had to find the most romantic items for under five dollars (total). It was awesome. Then we just walked around and stuff. Lots of fun.

Very busy day.

Today I went shopping with Mom. I like spending time with her. She misses me a lot.

Dreams

2010-01-09T10:57:00.001-06:00

I've been having some crazy dreams since I've been home.

Last night was horrible though. It was bloody and gory and just plain horrible.

At first it was the drumline at OU unloading the truck and stuff and we had practice and everything was normal (well in the dream it was normal. Real life would have been crazy). But then when we went to load everything back into the truck, it turned into a movie kind of. And it reminded me of Inglourious Basterds. It became a war scene where people in blue uniforms began throwing Chinese fighting stars or whatever and bow and arrows and knifes and stuff (at least there were no guns?) at the people loading. It was a total ambush. There was blood everywhere. And then the "shot" (as in film shot) goes to this teenage boy who just had an arrow go through his chest and a blond teenage girl with her hair in braided pigtails (in a uniform) is leaning over him and hugging and kissing him and telling him she's going to pretend to be dead so she can win the war. And then her mother runs up and is like "What are you doing? No!" and all that.

It was just horrible. I'm glad Jon called and woke me up when he did.

The Wedding

2010-01-08T22:37:00.001-06:00

I feel like I've been updating my blog A LOT lately. I kind of like it. Maybe I'll try to keep up with it when school starts? Although I'm nearly 92% certain that nobody but Zach reads it. (Not even Jon! I have to tell him to read certain posts if I want him to read it. It feels incredibly lame.) Anyways... maybe I'll put this on my facebook or something? I don't know. (Side note: It made me smile when my computer underlined "facebook" in red telling me it wasn't a real word.)

ANYWAYS

I hope the title of this blog didn't give you false hope or anxiety or anything. It's merely the title of the book I'm reading. I'm about forty pages from the end. I posted a blog earlier about it when I found out it was a follow up to The Notebook (my all time favorite book AND movie.) The main characters in this book are the daughter and son-in-law of Noah and Allie, the main characters in The Notebook, and the book is told from the son-in-law's, Wilson's, point of view.

The point of this blog, is to let you know how much I think men in general would benefit from reading this book. I love all of Nicholas Sparks' books. But this one seems to really speak about the types of things that let a woman know you love her.

Here's the summary from the back of the book:

After thirty years, Wilson Lewis is forced to face a painful truth. His wife, Jane, has fallen out of love with him, and it entirely his fault. Despite the shining example of his in-laws, Noah and Allie Calhoun, and their fifty-year love affair, Wilson is unable to express his true feelings. He has spent too little time at home and too much at the office. Now his daughter is about to marry, and his wife is thinking about leaving him. But if Wilson is sure of anything, it's this: His love for Jane has grown over the years, and he will do anything he can to save their marriage. With the memories of Noah and Allie's inspiring life together as his guide, he vows to find a way to make his wife fall in love with him... all over again.

So, I admit the summary isn't too captivating. But the whole book is full of memories of how Jane and Wilson met and why they loved each other in the first place and memories of Noah and Allie's life post-marriage, but pre-Alzheimers (which is not talked about in The Notebook). And Wilson figures out the perfect anniversary gift and just everything he's doing to make her fall in love with him. And it's less about what he does and more about how his attitude towards her and their relationship changes. It's just beautiful, and it's not hidden in a metaphor. It's simply stated.

Basically, I think anybody could learn a lot from this book (I know I have), but more specifically men. Because the things Wilson does in this book aren't necessarily impossible (expensive, yes, but he's also a partner in a law firm) and it just shows how simple showing how much you love someone can be.

I know I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm a girl. The ideas of love fill my mind more often than not. And I know in general guys hate romantic books. But, boy, you could sure learn a lot about what women ideally want if you just picked up a book.

B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

2010-01-08T15:51:00.002-06:00

I just peeled a banana the "right" way and I feel much more satisfied.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBJV56WUDng

Annoyance

2010-01-07T23:23:00.001-06:00

Annoyance: When people who are in no way affiliated with a college use the first person when referring to said college's football team.

Example:

Non-Student/Non-Alum/Non-Family-Member-of-Student-or-Alum: Man, we almost had that game. But at least we had class and kept fighting. We'll win next year!

I understand using "we" if you were associated with and had actual ties to the team. Yes, I occasionally say "we" when referring to OU's football team (Example: We won!). However, if I went to a private college or a junior college or no college at all, I would never include myself as part of a team. I wouldn't even say "we" when talking about A&M, and that's where my mom went!

Basically, the football team plays football. The team practices a million hours a week. The team undergoes more stress and pressure than anyone could imagine. Everyone else sits in the stands or on their couches or in a bar and watches the game. The team reacts to the outcome of the game. The fans (which are separated from the team) react differently. Especially fans who don't/didn't go to that school.

You, fan, do not have class because of what the football team did. The football team has class because of what the football team did.

Nicholas Sparks

2010-01-06T20:21:00.002-06:00

I've recently discovered just how much I love Nicholas Sparks and his books. I had my neighbor bring home some of his books from the library for me to read while I'm at home.

Anyways, I just started reading "The Wedding." It was obviously written after "The Notebook." So I'm sitting here, just reading, and I'm about twenty pages into the story when I read the names Noah Calhoun and his wife Allie. Those are the names of the two characters in the The Notebook! It's just blowing my mind! APPARENTLY this story is written as a follow up to The Notebook, and Jane, the main character's wife, is the daughter of Noah and Allie! But this isn't a sequel or anything. I'm just in shock. I didn't even suspect the stories were connected.

I hope I like this one. Up until now I thought it was slightly boring.

Coming Soon To A Theater Near You

2010-01-06T15:48:00.001-06:00

Taylor and the Chipmunks.

I wonder when my face will start to unswell.

I've lost my wisdom.

2010-01-05T14:06:00.001-06:00

So yesterday morning I got my wisdom teeth out. Just to clarify, my wisdom teeth hadn't grown in yet, so I had to go to an oral surgeon and have them dig them out from underneath my gums so that they wouldn't cause the rest of my teeth to become crooked. So anyways, I got to the surgeon and I was REALLY nervous. More nervous about the IV than them taking the teeth out. So while I was in my room thing, I devised a plan to make the needle entering my skin less painful. Mom would pinch the other arm as hard as possible while they insert the needle so I would be distracted from the pinching pain. It didn't work. So the last thing I remember before the surgery was telling Mom was how the plan didn't work, but both my arm and my hand still hurt. Then I woke up and the nurse was in the room and told me it was over. The next thing I remember was being in a wheel chair outside of the elevator with the nurse and saying "My face is swollen. My face is swollen" and she told me it wasn't, it only felt that way because I was numb. And when I told her no it was really swollen, she said there's a mirror in the elevator I can look at. Then I remember being wheeled out of the downstairs main office and being really embarrassed. Next I was outside of Mom's car and the nurse was telling me to put my feet down. Then I remember getting into the car and telling her how I woke up in the middle of the procedure and there were blue towels covering my face and I could hear machines going and stuff. Then all I remember is Uncle Tom helping to walk me to the front door, and then I was laying down in bed. Oh and I remember Mom getting the video camera and telling me to tell her everything I told her in the car. And then I drifted off while Mom went to go get my pain medication, and woke up when she came back and I barely slept the rest of the day. Jon came over and helped me while Mom went to the hospital to visit Grandma (btw, the hospital's thinking about moving her to another care center, and Uncle Eddie isn't going to have surgery, so he's back home). Then yesterday evening right after Mom got off the phone with my surgeon (who called to check up on me), she gave me the pain pills and a few minutes later I threw them up. And then about an hour later she gave me another pain pills and within the hour I had thrown up again. It was miserable. I hate throwing up. It made me cry both times. So she called the surgeon, and he called in a prescription for nausea pills and Mom picked those up at 11 at night and I tried one of those. And so far, it seems to be working. I haven't felt nauseous all day and I've been taking pain pills. But the downside is the nausea pills make me really really drowsy, so I've been sleeping all day. And my mouth really hurts because I'm only taking one pain pill instead of two since I'm taking the nausea pills. AND my cheeks are starting to swell. Mom calls them chipmunk cheeks. Anyways, that is all for the day.

Sorry that was one long continuous paragraph. I took a nausea pill about an hour ago so I'm getting pretty drowsy and it's hard for me to think on an upper level writing skill. Like I said, I've lost my wisdom.

Another Post? Say What?

2010-01-03T22:05:00.001-06:00

Enjoy this rare occurrence.

Today I went to the college service. I really really enjoyed it. It was stuff I had been needing to hear. I kind of wish I could go more often, but seeing that I live more than 400 miles away, I know that can't happen. I just hope the college services up at school are like that. I like the small-enough-to-be-intimate-but-large-enough-so-it's-not-awkward-on-your-first-few-visits type of setting. Haha. And it was great to see everybody again! I've missed everyone so much.

After church, I came home and had lasagna with my family + Uncle Tom and Uncle Joe (who flew in from Nevada to be with Grandma). They've (including my mom) have been so dedicated to visiting her. I love my family so much. They go up to the hospital every single visiting hour. That's every two hours starting at 9 until 5. And then again at 8. Our whole family's schedule is revolving around those hours.

After lunch, I pretty much just hung out at home and watched TV and stuff. Not much going on.

Then at 6 (which was just after the 5:00 visiting hour) we all went to Del Pueblo's since there isn't any good Mexican food in Nevada. I got queso AND sopapillas! It was such a treat! Then we finished dinner in time to go to the 8:00 visiting hour. I went this time. It was the first time I'd gone to visit her. I held my composure until it was just Mom, Grandma, and me in the room. And then I started crying a lot. But only for a minute because I knew it was time to go. I'm pretty proud of myself. My sister barely lasted a minute in the room when she visited before she had to leave. Anyways, what's going on with my grandma is she had a MASSIVE heart attack on the 29th of December. She went to the hospital and she was moving around a lot and really distressed so they had to sedate her. So she's on a food tube, a breathing tube, and lots of other tubes. This morning they took her off of the sedatives but she's still out of it. When I went, she could hear us talking and she would kind of fidget and try to move her head and open her eyes a little bit. It was really heart breaking. But she's hanging in there. Hopefully she keeps improving. Tomorrow they're going to try to take the food tubes out. I hope she makes it. I really do.

After we visited Grandma (by we I mean Mom, Uncle Joe, Uncle Tom, and I) we visited Uncle Eddie, who is also in the hospital. He went to the emergency room today because he had a super high fever (above 101) and some other stuff. It looks like he might have to have surgery.

So basically, this has been a weekend of hospitals. Grandma's been in it, Uncle Eddie's in it now, and I'll be in it tomorrow (although it's the Oral Surgery section) getting my wisdom teeth out. Uncle Eddie said we'll have a pain killers party together.

All in all, it has been quite a day.

Maybe I'll update tomorrow, but it'll probably just be a bunch of mumbo jumbo gibberish stuff. Haha.

Taylor? Who's she?

2010-01-02T13:42:00.001-06:00

I doubt anyone will read this considering I haven't updated my blog in forever. But in case you've been wondering where I've disappeared to, I'm here to tell you.

So I'll just give you a recap of my semester.

I made a 4.0! Straight A's! Woohoo! (And more specifically, I had a 99.something in Spanish.) I'm so relieved. Hopefully I can keep it up?
Being in the Pride of Oklahoma was absolutely awesome. I met some really great people and I had a lot of fun. I can't wait until next year.
I regret drifting away from my friends back home, but this semester was so hectic and crazy that I didn't really have time to think about anything but band and school. (And I have the 4.0 to prove it! Haha)
I really wish I could get a minor in Special Education, but that's not possible. So I'm currently playing with the idea of getting a Masters in it.
I haven't found a church to plug into and honestly, I wasn't trying too hard to do that. Saturdays were always the longest day of the week with football games and all and I was often out past midnight doing stuff with the band. So I used that as an excuse not to go to church on Sunday. Also, the Pride practices fell at the same time as Bible studies and such, so I didn't do that too often either. I really regret that. It's really hurting me how much I've stumbled.
I feel like I haven't met that many people. I mean, I've met a lot of people, but I don't have any really close friends. I realized that when trying to plan my birthday dinner. But maybe it's better to only be close to a few people?
I'm really excited about moving into an apartment with my two new, great friends Ashley and Laney. I don't see them enough, but they're my closest girl friends up at school.
I just got back from El Paso. I went there for the Sun Bowl game OU was in. We won. It was amazing. I could literally see Mexico from the highway.
While in El Paso, my mom called me and told me Grandma is in the hospital. She had a massive heart attack. She's been sedated for a few days now. I can't gather enough strength to go visit her because I know as soon as I walk into the room I'll break down and won't be able to stay. I feel like a horrible granddaughter. I cry just thinking about it.
I started up piano lessons at school. I'm really glad I'm in lessons again. I missed it so much. It gives me a reason to go and practice piano and I end up staying there for much longer than I intended.

That's about all I can think of right now.

2009-08-08T19:36:00.002-05:00

I've decided since I haven't posted in a while (what's new?) so I decided to post a Molly-esque list style post. Hhaha

Three Things I've Been Listening To Lately:

1. Jenny & Tyler

2. Nickel Creek

3. Regina Spektor

Three Things I've Been Watching Lately:

1. iCarly

2. Wizards of Waverly Place

3. Hannah Montana

The Last Three Books I've Purchased:

1. The Notebook (by Nicholas Sparks)

2. A Walk to Remember (by Nicholas Sparks)

3. The Choice (by... you guessed it... Nicholas Sparks)

Three Things That Are Taking Up Most of My Time:

1. Work (Nanny)

2. Piano

3. Packing/Cleaning

Three Things I Currently Want To Buy:

1. A keyboard (or if anybody has an extra they can let me borrow for a year to keep in my dorm room that would be great! haha)

2. Rain Boots

3. Nice Clothes

Three Things I'm Looking Forward To:

1. Living in Norman

2. Working Out at The Huff

3. Piano Lessons

Three Things I Love:

1. Tea

2. Piano

3. Disney Movies

That's all for now!

I move in 8 days!

San Francisco

2009-07-14T00:57:00.002-05:00

Now an update for San Francisco (This will most likely NOT consist of coherent, flowing sentences) -

I was there for three days: Wed, Thurs, Fri.

W and TH had AMAZING weather. It was clear and sunny! No humidity! Not usual for SF.

Friday was San Fran weather again. But definitely not as humid as Houston!

So Wednesday, we got there in the early afternoon. Went to the Exploratorium museum. It's a hands-on science museum. It was really cool. I was really enjoying the Physics, Audio, and Visual part of the museum. Not so much the Biology part. I discovered I can't hear above about 15000 hz, and I have zero heat in my nose and fingertips. Went to dinner on Pier 39 - ate at Bubba Gump's!! I really want to watch Forrest Gump now.

Thursday: Went to China town, "Where it's all about China and Chinese people" according to a tour guide on a passing duck tour. Molly would've loved it - asians everywhere! Ate at a really nice restaurant. Tried dim sum -YUMMY! Waiter was funny - wouldn't let Morgan order what she wanted because "she would no like." Hahahahaha! Then took a "Mr. Toad Tour" around San Fran for 90 minutes. It was really nice! The driver was HILARIOUS. Saw Meg Ryan's house, Nicholas Cage's house, The Mrs. Doubtfire house, and the Tanner house (from Full House). And some other houses where movies I can't remember because I didn't watch them were filmed. Also saw the Golden Gate up close and personal, and the bay had about 100 windsurfers I think they were called. Had dinner at a really good italian restaurant. bought a new rain jacket that's offwhite. I LOVE IT!

Friday: Went to the aquarium. Pet a shark, a skate, a starfish, and a sea cucumber. Saw baby octopi (they were ADORABLE!) Went on an hour long cruise tour. Saw Alcatraz and went under the Golden Gate. REALLY windy and cold. Checked out of hotel (btw, we stayed at the Marriot!!! Nicest hotel I've ever stayed in - valet, bellboy, and everything!) Drove to Golden Gate Park, went to the De Young Museum and saw the King Tut exhibit - interesting but disappointing. I wanted to see his coffin. But it wasn't there. But I did see some stuff that was on his body when he was buried, like necklaces, daggers, etc. Went back to Reno.

So that was San Fran in a nutshell! I also knitted a scarf. It's really pretty! Crimson, of course!

Currently listening to: Jenny & Tyler

Currently reading: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince... surprised?

(funny tidbit - when i was typing up "Potter," I accidentally typed "Potty.")

That Post I Promised

2009-07-14T00:56:00.001-05:00

Okay, so remember the post that I said I wrote but the internet freaked out? Here it is. Pretend this was written about a week ago.

I know it's been about thirty years since my last post, but I just haven't had the motivation. I figure nobody really reads this, and those who do already know what's going on.

But I'll enlighten you with a little update I guess. Don't get too excited and think this is going to become something I do frequently. ;)

Right now, and for the past week and a half, I've been roaming around Nevada/California.

Just kidding, I haven't been roaming, but I have been in good ole' Nevada and Cali. I have family up here, and we're staying with them.

Last week, we all went to Graeagle, California and went camping! It was so much fun. We came back today. I got really tan (for me anyways) but i think it's going peeling. So sad. Anyways, it was very relaxing. We had about five hammocks set up. And I read a total of four books while I was there. The Giver, At First Sight, The Glass Castle, and Stargirl. All very good. If I had to put them in order, I would probably say At First Sight was my favorite. And then I can't decide between The Giver and The Glass Castle. And then Stargirl was good, just not as good as the others. Thanks Erin and Zach for letting me borrow those! I've been a reading machine the past two weeks; I'll be asking for more when I get home! Haha.

Anyways, there was a beautiful little creek down by the campsite. So we spent quite a bit of time down there. One of the days we took a three hour hike flowing the creek upstream to a set of waterfalls up the mountain! It was absolutely breath-taking. Oh, and, the water was FREEZING! it's snow melted, so I couldn't feel my feet by the end of it (we had to walk through the water most of the time). So it took about 2 hours to get to the waterfall (we did stop for a little lunch/snack). And then we had three choices: go further up the mountain to MORE waterfalls, go back the way we came through the freezing water, or climb up this really steep hill through the forest until we got to a road that we could walk on to get to camp. My cousin, Bobby (he's about 30), Garrett, Morgan, and the "neighbor" kid Cameron decided to continue up the mountain. So I was stuck with the others and had to do what they wanted to do. So Aunt Julie, Mom, Bre (Bobby's fiance), my cousins Brooke and Molly, and "neighbor" girl Rachel, and I decided to brave it through the forest and find the road. Basically, it was so steep in some spots that we had to be on all fours. And then other times it was really flat and we had to walk through weeds and fallen trees. And then Mom, Bre, and I got separated from the rest of the group. They continued straight while we decided to take a little path. Eventually, we saw the road. But it was at about an 80-85 degree incline about maybe 30 yards up. And not only that, but it was all rocks. So we climbed up it. I rock-climbed in the wilderness! No harness, nothing. If I put any weight on the little rocks, they would tumble down. So I had to STREEETTTCCCHHH to get to the big rocks. If the adrenaline wasn't pumping so hard, I probably would've broken down crying saying "I just can't do it!" like I did when I fell at the very top of the mountain skiing in April. It was probably the most exciting thing I've ever done. While I was balancing on the rocks waiting for Mom to climb up so I had room to move, I was thinking "If I fall and tumble down this hill thing filled with sharp rocks and bushes, will my body immediately black out so that I'm not awake when I feel the pain? Or will I stay conscious and be able to remember it - if I live?" Well, I didn't get to find out. Hahahah

That was the most exciting thing that happened all week.

Oh, and the fireworks show. The fireworks were so big and close to us that when they popped off, the BOOM rattled your bones. It was amazing.

YAY ROOMMATE!

2009-07-11T12:10:00.002-05:00

I KNOW WHO MY ROOMMATE IS!!!

And I'm really excited. I found out her name a few weeks ago, and I sent her this freakishly long email about myself. Well she didn't respond until yesterday or so. So for a few weeks, I was getting really anxious thinking she didn't exist. But she finally emailed me back with information about herself and I am so excited to live with her!

Her name is Amy, she lives in the Dallas area. She's a Christian, she's wanted to go to OU pretty much her whole life, she's organized but not always tidy, her grandparents live really close to campus and we can eat there if we want, she's athletic and likes to work out to a program called "Turbo Jams." I think we're going to get along really well! She seems extremely nice. I'm so excited!!! OH and she's an Industrial Engineering major.

And she might be coming down to Kingwood at some point, so we might be able to meet then! Otherwise, I guess we'll wait until she moves in! (I move in three days before her).

I'm so excited. I'm not expecting to become bestest of friends with her, but I hope we at least get along. Which I think we will.

I'm so excited! I know I've said that a billion times already, but I am!!

2009-07-07T16:03:00.001-05:00

Just so those of you who are still checking my blog in hopes of an update know, yesterday I typed up this really long update on my vacation that I've been on (Nevada and California) on my MacBook. I wasn't even done yet. And then the internet went out. But luckily, I copied and pasted it to a Word (actually it was TextEdit) document and saved it. But UNluckily, I'm on a different computer right now. So I don't have it. And there is no way I'm typing it all up again. So you're in for a treat until I decide to get on my laptop: A list of little updates!

I graduated Summa Cum Laude on June 6, 2009!
I've had three "Graduation Celebrations." I feel spoiled : One with friends, one with family (and those I consider family) in Houston, and one with family in Nevada. Lots of cake, lots of fun, and best of all, lots of money ;) Haha just kidding. Not really
I started my nanny job. Best paying job I've ever had. And very relaxing. I read three somewhat thick books in a week : My Sister's Keepers, Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister, and Thr3e. All very good.
I'm still cow-ing at Chick-Fil-A. I'll miss that job when I move. And since I'm on vacation until Saturday, I'm missing "Cow Appreciation Day" !!! I'm so sad :(
Jon's living in Minden, Louisiana for the summer. So although I thought the long distance part of the relationship would come to a close come summer, we're still a good 4 to 5 hours apart. But that's okay. He's come home about five weekends since he got out of school.
I found out my roommate for college next year! Her name is Amy Leonard. And I know nothing about her except for her name and her ou.edu email address. I sent her a very long email about a week ago, and she still hasn't responded. I wonder if she's even going to OU. Jon had a roommate and everything at A&M even after he told them multiple times he's not attending A&M. I bet I have a roommate at LSU, because they keep sending me junk saying "We're so excited you're going to be a Tiger!" And I've told them MULTIPLE times I'm not attending there. Oh well. Maybe I'll have a room to myself?
About two weeks ago I left for vacation with my family to Reno, Nevada. I have family here. We hung out for the first week, and the second week we went camping in Graeagle, California. It was amazing. I'll give more details on that when I get on my MacBook, since it's already typed up and all.
Tomorrow we leave for San Francisco for three days. I'm excited!
I registered to "audition" for the Pride of Oklahoma (the marching band) on Synthesizer. I'm getting pretty nervous about being the synth player. I feel like I'm going to let everyone down and I'm starting to feel the weight of the burden that's been placed on my shoulders. I hope I don't break down.
I got a Twitter account. twitter.com/taylorconcialdi I'm not sure how often I'll use it. It's seems pretty stupid. But I'm sure I though facebook was stupid at first, too. Send a request to follow me :) (The only reason I put it on private was within a few days some creepos started following me and I had to block them. I figured I'd just put it on private.)

I think that's about all.
You're Welcome. :)

God Is So Good

2009-04-16T16:50:00.002-05:00

WARNING: this post might seem like I'm trying to show off or "toot my own horn" (bahahahha that phrase always cracks me up!), but it is not.

As many of you know, one of the top things I've been praying about is scholarships for school at OU next year. It's basically been part of my prayer requests since well.. the beginning of this school year. And I just want to keep ya'll updated on how God has been answering my prayers.

When I got accepted to OU, I received an automatic $14,000 scholarship that's divided among four years. So that's $3,500 a year, or $1,750 a semester.
In the middle of March, I received $28,000 from the School of Music to be divided among four years. $7,000 a year, or $3,500 a semester.
Earlier this week (I think it was Tuesday?) I received from Alpha State, Mu Phi Chapter Delta Kappa Gamma Society International (what a name, right?) a one-time $750 scholarship for next fall.
And today, I was notified that I will be receiving $16,000 divided over four years from Houston Endowment Inc. for the Jesse Jones scholarship. So that's $4,000 a year, or $2,000 a semester.

So, next semester, as of now, I will NOT have to pay $8,000 of the total! :D

Or, if you want to look at per year, I will have $15,250 in scholarship money!

God is so good.

An Important Announcement

2009-03-25T23:16:00.001-05:00

As of March 25, 2009 at 10:31 pm

I am officially going to the University of Oklahoma!!!

My parents have told me that we can afford OU (as long as I keep getting scholarships) and that I can now consider myself a Sooner!!! I'm so excited!!

Norman, Oklahoma here I come!!

10 Things I've Learned

2009-03-09T22:09:00.001-05:00

Here are some things that I've learned about myself this year:

1. I'm too hard on myself. Especially concerning my bassoon playing.

2. I doubt. Everything. It's unhealthy, because I don't research to prove myself wrong. I just wallow.

3. I think too much. And usually pessimistically. One little negative thought turns into an ocean of misery.

4. I cannot write. I'm really good at getting the ideas out (once I have them) but forming coherent, flowing sentences is not my strong suit.

5. I take a lot of time to figure out the right words to say. Sometimes too much time.

6. There are very few people that I fully trust. And it is very easy to break my trust. I wish it wasn't that way.

7. I feel other people's emotions. I cry when you're sad, I rejoice when you're happy. Although sometimes it's a burden, it truly is a blessing and a gift. It helps me to be more sensitive.

8. I really like the color red. But it's not my favorite color.

9. Things have always come very easily to me. College is going to kick my butt next year.

10. I am not worthy or deserving of God's love in the least bit. But somehow, and I will always be grateful for this, His unconditional love is always there.

2009-03-02T20:31:00.002-06:00

the future holds so much change.

i'm excited and scared.

2009-02-28T17:46:00.001-06:00

I am very excited about my summer job!

I'll be watching 2 boys who are going into the seventh grade. I met them and their parents yesterday. I can't wait! It should be a very interesting, no-stress, awesome job! One of the boys, Ryan I think his name is, plays saxophone. And the other one, Chris, plays... you guessed it... BASSOON! I literally jumped out of my chair with excitement when he told me that. Anyways, I'm really excited about it. All the details aren't worked out yet, but it's going to be really fun. I can tell me and "the boys" are going to be great friends. They're a little bit older than I was imagining, but you know, that just means I'm "babysitting" less and more just making sure nobody cuts his arm off. Oh, and their houses are REALLY nice. And one of them has a pool. So maybe I'll find my hidden love for water again. But probably not.

I knwo I've said this a billion times, but I'm really excited. This is going to be something totally new for me AND the boys and their parents. They're used to being in daycare during the summer.

I learned how to cook scrambled eggs this morning! They weren't that good, but it's a work in progress.

I've also decided I want to have a pet that most people don't have. Like a pig or something. At some point in my life, I WILL have a pig... or something.

That's all for now.

2009-02-10T20:35:00.002-06:00

Alright, so in case you can't tell, I'm trying to keep up with my blog a little bit more often. I just still haven't decided if I really want to update about my life or what on here. I wish I was the type of person that could post deep, philosophical epiphanies or something, but I'm not. I honestly don't think I'm that deep of a person and I haven't figured out if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Probably a little bit of both. So for now, I'll just update about the last few days of my life. This is going to end up being kind of long so I'll paraphrase each paragraph now, and you can choose what you want to read.

Exciting: Summer job

Funny: Sleep conversations

Exciting: LSU auditions

In the last post I mentioned a possible summer job. I didn't want to go into too much detail until it was final because I tend to spread the news of things too early and I end up disappointing myself even more when it doesn't happen. But I'll go into detail now :) Last week I started REALLY praying about a summer job opportunity. And I definitely was NOT expecting finding a job this early. But I did. At ABS, I was just sitting there talking to Lauren and Kristina and I heard Mrs. Angie say "Is anybody looking for a summer job?" and I immediately said "I am!" So long story short, Mr. Dave's boss is looking for kind of a "nanny" to look after two sixth grade boys this summer from 7:30-4:30. This is exactly the kind of job I had in mind! Well, not EXACTLY. I was envisioning an office just filing things, but this is better. Because now I can get pretty nice pay during the day, and also do the cow in the evening! I was waiting for Mr. Dave to email me with her information, but Mrs. Angie said that he already talked to his boss about it and she's really excited about me! I can't wait! It'll be nice to have some extra money this summer. Most of it will probably go into savings/thing I'll need for college. I think I'm going to start building the list of things I'll need now. Especially clothes. I borrow a lot of clothes from Mom and Morgan. Oh, btw, today is Morgan's birthday! She's 16! Scary! I knit her a scarf for her gift, but I lost one of my knitting needles and now I can't finish. :( I hope I find it soon. I was planning on knitting a lot on the way to Oklahoma. Maybe I'll go and buy a different size and toy around with those for a little while. We'll see. This ended up being a random train of thought. Oh well.

Friday night I left for Louisiana with my mom and we stopped at our really close family friend's house and stayed with her. Her and my mom are the very best of friends, so it's always awesome to just sit and listen to them talk like old friends. It makes me happy that Mom's happy when she's with her friends like Mindy and Kim. Anyways, so I went to bed at about 10:30. So I called Jon before I fell asleep, but he was in a movie and so he said he'd call me back. So I fell asleep. Around 3:00am I woke up again on my own because Jon hadn't called me back yet (or so I thought). I also have a rough night's sleep when Jon says he'll call and he doesn't. I worry that something happened to him. Anyways, so I grabbed my phone to see if maybe I had slept through it ringing (I had put it next to my pillow so I could feel it vibrate rather than putting it on the table next to me so I could hear it vibrate). But no missed call. So I was starting to get upset and I thought about calling him to make sure everything was okay. But I decided to check my Call Log before I called him at 3 in the morning and woke him up. Good thing I did, because he HAD called me at midnight. But I didn't sleep through the ring, I slept through the conversation!!! We had a 2 minute long conversation and I was sleep-talking the whole time. I didn't remember even waking up and answering the phone. I was kind of confused at 3am, but when I woke up six hours later, I realized I had been talking in my sleep. I've never done that before. Well, talking on the phone in my sleep. I've woken myself up from talking in my sleep. Hahahahah. I thought it was hilarious though.

Anyways, so the reason I was going up to Louisiana was for my School of Music audition. Basically, it went really really well. The bassoon professor REALLY liked me and he basically told me that I would get a full ride if I went there. Even though that's REALLY exciting, it makes me nervous and freak out kind of. I REALLY REALLY don't want to go to LSU. I mean, it wouldn't be that bad considering I wouldn't have to pay, but I just don't feel like that's where I belong. I just wouldn't be comfortable there. Yesterday on my way home from work I started crying and freaking out thinking about going to LSU. And everytime I think about it, I can feel my stress level rising and it's so hard to handle. So just pray that my OU audition will go that well. And for my nerves. sigh.

Everytime I work, there's always at least one little kid that's either a little bit afraid of me or one that absolutely loves me. And they're accompanied by his/her mother. And it always makes me really excited about being a mom someday. The love she shows to her child is just overwhelmingly amazing. I wish I could explain the way this one mother talks to her son. It's the cutest, sweetest thing I've ever seen. You can tell she's a good mom. And they come at least twice a month. I want to be just like her someday. I don't know who she is, but she's my role model. I hope I'll be a good, loving, encouraging mother.

Anyways, I think I've overwhelmed you enough for one day.

2009-02-04T21:54:00.001-06:00

Today has been a very exciting day! And so much has gone on this week. It's crazy. I can go into more detail about everything later, but here's a brief overview.

My LSU auditions are this Saturday. And my OU auditions are Monday the 16th. I'm really nervous. But I've been emailing people at the OU School of Music a ton asking questions and stuff to get my name in the system. Hopefully that means I'll be more recognizable and get more money? We'll see.

OU loves me. Love = Money. At least that's how it should go down in my book. Because I really need scholarships.

I went to Calculus tutoring today and I finally understand what we've been learning this week. It is such a great feeling. I love it.

POSSIBLE summer job! It's perfect. I really hope it all works out. I'm definitely going to go into more detail about this later. I just don't want to act like I got it in the bag and then woops! no more job. :(

I've gotten a lot of knitting done this week. I'm excited.

Jon and I kind of had a rough last few days. Mostly yesterday. Miscommunication, misinterpretation. All that jazz that happens when you live a billion miles apart. BUT we talked it out and everything is up to snuff! I really hate it when we aren't on the same page. But luckily, we're both patient enough and understanding enough to let the little things go and work through the big things. I'm so lucky to have in my life.

And on a bigger note, I've begun to realize how my past has shaped me into the person I am today. And I'm finally starting embrace it and accept that it's a part of me.

I feel great.

God is good.

My letter jacket tail is true. "GOD PROVIDES"

Who's Got Talent?

2009-01-31T12:40:00.001-06:00

i've forgotten how much i love performing.

last night was the "Who's Got Talent?" Show at Cy-Fair. I was in it, playing piano and singing. I was EXTREMELY nervous before hand, but like always, once I was put in the spotlight, all nervousness vanished. I love performing. So so so so much. It really makes me miss all of the things I used to do that would put me on a stage. Piano lessons and dance recitals, mostly. I love just getting up and being the center of attention for just that one moment and not have to worry about feeling conceited. I just get up and do my best. And afterwards, everyone's always so encouraging. Man, I miss it so much.

Most of my friends at school don't read this blog, but if you happen to read it today, thanks so much for coming to the talent show if you came! And thanks for the billions of hugs from everybody!

After I performed, I went into the audience during intermission and all of my band friends were sitting by the door and they saw me and ALL of them got up and came and gave me a hug and told me how good I was. Which was extremely encouraging because that was teh first time most people at school had ever heard me sing. I received a lot of comments that were along the lines of "OH MY GOSH I had NO IDEA you had a voice like that!" and "Since when do you sing?!?!" etc. It made me feel really good about myself. And it doesn't even matter that I didn't even place, because I did my best and everybody loved me. Apparently I had a huge "fan base" there. hahaha.

I love my friends.

2009-01-18T20:51:00.000-06:00

i don't know what's harder. going two months without seeing jon, or seeing jon everyday for a month and having him leave again.

long distance relationships suck.

2009-01-05T20:03:00.000-06:00

bahahahahahah. so i had to work tonight. and i am required to park at the 24 hour fitness across the street to allow more parking spaces for customers. so i'm driving into the parking lot and it is totally PACKED. there were absolutely NO parking spaces. luckily, someone was pulling out as i was pulling in and i snagged a spot where i usually park. i was extremely confused why there were so many cars there. and then i went to work at 5:40. i left early and clocked out at 6:40 because there was absolutely NOBODY at chick-fil-a. i saw a total of three children there and by 6:30 two of them had left and the other was playing in the play place. so i had the option of going home and working on more scholarships (i've been really motivated for scholarships. i'll get to that in a second as soon as i'm done ranting about this) or dancing by myself in a cow costume for an hour and a half longer. i chose the former. so i'm walking across the street to go to my car and leave and the parking lot is STILL packed. and all of the sudden, i realize why. new years' resolutions. everyone wants to get in shape. and i started laughing out loud. i'm making a little bet with myself to see how long it takes for all the hype about staying fit dies down and i can finally find a parking space easily again.

on a different note, SCHOLARSHIPS! i've really been on fire today about scholarships, and hopefully this lasts a while. because last night, as i was laying in bed ATTEMPTING to sleep, i got extremely stressed out. i was just breaking down because i was so uncertain about everything. if i don't get enough scholarship money to go to OU, i'm going to have to go to community college or LSU. and i definitely don't want to do that. i mean, my parents would pay and get loans and stuff so i COULD go where i wanted, but i wouldn't ask that of them. not just so i can become a teacher. and i don't want to come out of college with a bunch of debt. so i was freaking out. and i was just praying and praying about it. and somehow i fell asleep. and so this morning during first period i went to the counselors to give them a counselor report thing for this one scholarship that is due this friday. then during third period, the counselor called me in to ask me a question about the thing, and we talked and she's really nice (she's rooting for the Gators to win the football game on thursday, though. so she's automatically knocked down a few spots on my lists. haha just kidding) and she gave me a few other schloarships to apply for. and one of them is due on wednesday and hopefully not many people will apply for it. and this other one i'm not sure about, but i'll try it anyways. what the heck right? so hopefully i'll just keep finding scholarships to apply for and be diligent about it so i can get some money for college. i can't think of anywhere else i'd rather be than the University of Oklahoma.

oh and since i talked about new years resolutions, here is my list of ongoing goals that i have had for the past about 7 months and i'm just kind of... renewing them and making them a little bit more challenging.

i will read my Bible or do some sort of Bible study every day. (i know i will fail at this because i'm human. but it's always a good goal to have!)
i will not drink soda for the rest of the year. 2009 will be soda free (over teh summer i decided to go on a soda fast and i just continued it into the school year. but i've been breaking it quite a bit lately and i can definitely tell the effects it's having on me)
i will not eat any food after 9:00 pm (once again, something i started at the beginning of the school year and i haven't been very diligent about it lately)
i will work on scholarships at least every other day (this one is new)
i will not stress out about things that don't matter and i will put complete trust in the Lord and just wait for things to work out in His timing. i will also try my best not to be negative. (i will also fail at this because i'm human and that is my tendency. but i've been making a conscious effort to not be like that and i've been having trouble with that lately)

so there you go. try to keep me accountable, if you will. :)

2009-01-04T16:34:00.001-06:00

i'm not a fan of just writing about what i've been doing unless it's something really exciting like my little college road trip, but I guess that's what i'll do..

this break has been WONDERFUL. very unproductive, but absolutely wonderful. I have been so blessed. my family has been acting so civil towards eachother; i thought that was impossible! and i've been able to see jon practically EVERY DAY. that still blows my mind. i'm so used to seeing him for maybe three days at the most, then having to return to our separate states. but for the past three weeks i have been able to see him for at least a few hours or so everyday (minus two). it's so amazing. i miss him so much. but now he's off to miami to play in the drumline for the national championship game. and i'm still stuck here in houston. and he won't be back until a week from today. but when you've gone seven weeks without seeing each other, a week really isn't so bad. pardon my "French," but long distance relationships suck terribly. i advise to avoid it unless you know your relationship has a really firm base and communicating isn't a big issue. although, it seems lately jon and i have more trouble communicating while he's in town than while we're 417 miles away, and that's mostly my fault. but anyways, i'll wrap up this jon rambling. haha.

the wonderful and talented katie and chris stockwell took my senior photos and they're AMAZING! i absolutely LOVE them. you can look at them on my facebook, but i'll put my favorites on here. jon and my mom also came with us, and it was so much fun. jon was a little bored and probably annoyed that i required him to wake up at 7:15am to do this, but it's okay. he was in some of the pictures and i LOVE them. the "kiss" pictures were awkawrd to do though; i couldn't stop laughing. it was just SO awkward! me and jon aren't into PDA very much, and when katie asked us to kiss for a picture in front of my mom, i just couldn't handle it. i busted out laughing every time we tried. it was funny. but for the most part, it was a great experience and i am so thankful for the stockwells.

also, i don't know if i ever posted this, but i'm sure everyone knows. i am the cow mascot at chick-fil-a. it was a lot of fun at first. and i mean, it's still fun. it's just becoming more and more of a chore. don't get me wrong, i'm really glad i get paid so much to just run around the store and act goofy with kids. but i only work a few hours each day. i need a job that i can get more hours! but i'll probably wait until summer to do that, since i have to balance band and school AND a job. at least band doesn't interfere with this job. i'm jsut kind of getting tired of it. also, i need to keep this job for at least a few months. my only other job was just a summer job at All About Music, and if all of my jobs only last a few months, that'll look bad. so i'll at least keep this one until may. maybe this summer i'll just rock two jobs, because apparently the cows sometimes go to astros games and such! that would be fun.

anyways, i have to jet. but that's basically what my Christmas break has been so far.

maybe i'll let everyone know what my "new years' resolutions" are in another post, although they aren't really new years' resolutions. they're just a list of things i decided to discipline myself on sometime last year, and i wish to continue them. hahaha.

peace out!

2008-12-20T23:23:00.000-06:00

i've been reflecting a lot lately. just kind of about who i've become and how i've changed. and i can't really say that i like it. and i don't know why i'm going to get all personal on a blog, but i don't know. it's easier for me to type things and share them than to say them out loud. or write it in a journal. i'm not patient to write in a journal, and i'm not brave enough to say it out loud. so here goes, world wide web, here's my reflection of me.

i've changed. and i don't like it. i'm turning into the wrong person. i want to fix it. but i don't know how.

my emotions have gotten out of control. what happened to the girl that was always happy? the girl who had control of her temper? the girl who cared for others before herself? lately i've been letting really small, stupid things upset me. and i don't know why. i get angry at people way more often. it's harder for me to let go of the anger that i feel towards someone for doing something as simple as cutting me off while i'm driving. i don't understand. and i've been quite the crier this year. i used to never cry. i had no reason to cry. i was tough. i handled things. i let go. i got over it within minutes. now i just dwell and let my emotions fester inside of me and eat me up and then i just explode and usually at the people i love the most. and then i get upset about hurting them and dwell on that and then beat myself up about it. why can't i just be happy again? why do i feel like when i smile i'm just putting on a show for the benefit of others? why do i say "i forgive" when really, i haven't, and i'm still angry?

"when it comes to gossip, I think it's better to have rocks thrown at you then to join in with the people that are throwing them." i read that and it just hit me, i haven't necessarily been gossiping, but i haven't been stopping it. so by not stopping the knife in someone else's hands, i'm allowing it to be stabbed into the back of someone that i might not know, but that i should still care for because they're a person too and God loves them the same as He loves me.

i've been so complacent, lately. i've been searching for a feeling. i've been waiting to FEEL like i'm right with God. because that's all i've ever known is a feeling. but my relationship with God is so much more than a feeling. it's... i can't even describe it. or, that's how it should be at least. lately it feels kind of non existent. don't get me wrong, i'm not saying i'm doubting i'm a christian. i remember the night that i trusted the Lord completely and gave over my life to Him better than any other night of my life. My heart was in it 150%. but Satan's just been pulling at my mind. he's been telling me what i should be as a Christian, and i've been believing him. i was reading a blog and i thought "wow, that's exactly what's happening in my life." i'm listening to Satan and letting him convince me that i'm not a good enough christian because i don't know all of this Bible trivia, because i haven't been a Christian as long as my friends have, because i don't feel "on fire 4 God" like i used to. i'm in a dry spot and i have been for a while. God's been here the whole time, though. i'm just failing to see Him. i've been blind to what's been right in front of me. i want to feel His presence again. i want to see God, feel His arms around me. i want Him to "unveil my eyes so i can see His glory."

or maybe i'm just wanting to want Him. maybe my heart's not in it. but does it matter if my heart's not in it? should i still search and seek and ask even if i feel it's a lie?

my biggest struggle of all is being content. i hate it. i don't feel like i've been bad. i'm okay with the way i've been living my life. i don't feel the need for change. i know i need it. but i wouldn't mind not changing. but as jeremy as said, i am NOT okay. i NEED to change. i can't just become static. i want to flow with the change i need and not try to dam it up and let myself become stagnant. i need God to change my heart, but i can't just wait for God to do it and do nothing while i wait. i know i need to take action. but i don't feel like my heart's in the right place.

what's happened to me?

2008-12-15T20:51:00.001-06:00

I don't know how I should feel.

I'm so ready to get out of this house. Only eight more months until I can leave for college.

But at the same time, I'm not ready at all. I don't want to leave my parents. I'm going to miss them so much. I don't appreciate them enough. I wasted eighteen years to show them how much I love them, and now I only have eight months left to do it in person. It's not enough time. I would actually probably consider community college for a year or two if my siblings weren't as frustrating as heck. If I got along with Morgan better, I would probably stay. But being around her just makes me more anxious to leave. But it's not fair for my parents for me to be so antsy to get out just because my sister is a jerk.

Today after my last Christmas concert, I was talking to Dad and said something like "Don't worry, in eight months I'll be in college" and he said "No, it's not eight months" and I counted it out for him. And it looked like he teared up just the SLIGHTEST bit and said "That's too soon." I wanted to cry right then. It IS too soon. He keeps trying to push community college on me and I thought it was strictly for money, but maybe he's just not ready to give up his baby girl. He spent so much of my life not at home. What if he's regretting it?

Eight months is too soon, but then again it can't come fast enough.

I feel like I'm being torn apart.

I'm not ready for things to change.

But at the same time, I am ready to experience a new part of my life.

2008-12-03T18:06:00.000-06:00

i naturally try to think the best of people until they give me a reason not to. i almost always give people the benefit of the doubt upon meeting them.

so is it wrong to think less of somebody when i learn that they make poor choices, such as participate in drinking and doing drugs? especially if i learn this months after meeting them and they never gave any hint about doing that stuff before? is it being "judgmental" if i get upset and lose respect for them after they TOLD me that they aren't coming to my party because they don't have fun at parties unless they're high or drunk? am i at fault?

sigh. i hate being disappointed.

2008-12-01T21:51:00.000-06:00

I was reading some semi-recent blogs on Stuff Christians Like, and I thought he had a very interesting take on something that I have always considered one of my greatest struggles. I have a very active mind. It is hard for me to keep one train of thought going for more than a few second. And this is especially true during my prayers. I start praying about one thing and before I can get more than five words out, I'm reminded of something else I want to pray about, and then I think of something else and so on until I am so distracted that I don't really feel like I'm in prayer anymore, but I'm just thinking about things.

#442. Teaching yourself to breathe underwater.
For the last three months, I've been really deliberate about using my morning commute as a time of worship. I'll pray, talk with God, sit quietly or listen to some music. It's kind of a pre-game for the Bible study I start my day with once I get to work.

The problem is that other thoughts keep coming into this "God time." I get distracted so easily that unless I'm really focused on God, I start thinking about Stuff Christians Like. I start thinking about the book I'm writing or my 'to do list' for the day ahead or friends I need to call or a million other things.

And I get really frustrated when that happens. I can't seem to hold a thought for more than a second. I've perverted the truth of Bible verses that talk about taking your thoughts captive and created a soundtrack of condemnation that plays whenever I get off track with God, "Stupid brain, this is God time. Not Stuff Christians Like time or worry about work time or think about things you did with the family over the weekend time. God time. Focus Jon. Focus." And I imagine God echoing those thoughts with His own disappointment with my ability to keep His time purely about Him.

But I few weeks ago, after a morning of feeling like I had blown the sanctity of the commute with God again, I started to think that maybe I was wrong. Maybe if I listened closely to God, He wouldn't berate me for not being able to focus, maybe instead He would say:

"Why do you keep trying to tame the mind I gave you? Why do you keep trying to restrain the heart and soul I placed inside you? Why? Why? Why? You are practicing this weird kind of self-renewal. It's like your heart is the ocean and you're terrified of drowning. And instead of seeing the ocean as a beautiful, untamed place, you're trying to control it by teaching yourself how to breathe underwater. Forget that. I want you to surf. I want you to big wave surf. Not just because it's impossible to breathe underwater and trying will eventually kill you, but because surfing is fun.

So let your thoughts overlap. Know that I am a God of joy. Big, messy, sloppy joy. Do I have boundaries for you? Without a doubt, but they're only there because discipline is a sign of love and I want you to experience the most joy possible. I don't want you surfing at the beaches with all the sharks. It's dangerous and those waves stink anyway. So let your mind wander. Stop limiting your creativity. Stop forcing me to be the God of rules and disappointment in your head.

That's what happened this morning, isn't it? You've labeled the morning commute as 'God time' so when you catch yourself thinking about Stuff Christians Like or work or other things, you berate yourself and say, I’m sorry God. I'm so sorry I have such a scattered mind. I hate the way my mind works. I wish it was one track.'

Well it's not. I didn't create you that way. I put a train yard in your head. A thousand tracks intersecting. Let me be the one to sort those out. But don't beat yourself up for bringing other parts of your life into your 'God time.' I have a secret, that's exactly what I want. I want all of your life. I love when you bring other parts in. Overlap, come to me with everything. Let me saturate your every day and your every thought."

Ultimately, the thought I walked away from that idea with is pretty simple, "I don't want ‘God time’ to be part of my day. I want God to be my day." But what a rambling mix of metaphors I had to go through to get to that. Surfing and trains, and sharks and overlapping thoughts. But that's how God made me.

I'm messy and even though you're different than me, I bet you're messy too. So let's stop trying to regulate our lives for God and instead embrace what God has planned for them. As chaotic and as sloppy and as unplanned and unexplainably joyful as that might feel sometimes.

2008-11-30T17:21:00.000-06:00

Ian, this is for you.

Thanksgiving was cool. I ate turkey.

I got a MacBook for my birthday. I love it.

My MacBook has a webcam, so I've been talking to Jon on it fairly often. Which is very exciting because I get to see his face. But he's worn the same shirt three times since we've started doing this. And it's really funny.

I hope this satisfies you, Ian.

Scholarships

2008-11-22T21:33:00.000-06:00

OBU: $7000. per semester/year/one time only? i don't know. based off of SAT scores

OU: $3500 per year. automatic. based off of SATs scores.

BAYLOR: $44000 (or $11000 per year). based off of academic achievement and extracurricular activities.

I don't know what the tuition for OBU is.

But I do know that even with the scholarship from Baylor, OU is currently the cheapest :) hopefully it stays that way.

2008-11-21T22:27:00.000-06:00

I know it's been a while since my last update. I've been really busy. So I guess I'll just briefly say all the new stuff that's happened in my life lately.

I have been accepted to LSU, Baylor, and OBU. And OBU is offering me $7000 (I don't know if that's per year though.. I'll have to find out) because of my SAT score alone. I'm still waiting on OU's acceptance letter though.
I took the SAT at the beginning of November and I checked my score yesterday. By some miracle, my score is a 2010! I have no idea how that happened, especially because my WRITING score (which has always been my worst) was a 720! so my composite is a 1290.
Because my composite is a 1290, OU will offer me $14,000 in scholarships to be distributed between the four years of school automatically. It's not much, but it's a start!
I made 2nd chair at region orchestra. Normally, I wouldn't be proud about this because (and I don't mean to sound cocky... but if you were in the audition room you would understand) I am fully capable of making first chair. I made first chair last year. But 2nd chair is great because I hadn't practiced by region music in about a month, and I was playing on a reed that I got in July.
My birthday was on Wednesday! And I LOVE my mother. She made it the best birthday ever. I'll explain in more detail if you want to know, but it's a lot more effective in person. But basically she left a birthday gift in each of my classes. And I had decided to make this birthday a really... emotional one. hahaha. I cried four times during school because of the gifts. Then after school, my dad took me computer shopping! And I am now typing up this blog on my brand new MacBook! It's exciting. And after that I went to Pappasito's with my family. And sadly, the food was a disappointment. But it's okay. OH and my mom also got me Season One and Season Three of The Office. So that's how I'm planning on spending my time over Thanksgiving break. ;)

I can't really think of anything else that's been going on. If I think of more//have time I'll post later!

little update

2008-10-23T19:19:00.000-05:00

so i might my other PAL today. he is the cutest little boy ever. he's the complete opposite of Carrington, my PAL from lamkin. he's really talkative and goes off on random tangents about his dogs when i ask him questions and he ALWAYS smiles. and he's in second grade. oh and his name is Jayce. he's absolutely adorable. we're going to be very best friends. and he's an only child and he told me sometimes he likes to pretend that his dogs are his brothers and sisters. and he said he has two pittbulls too!! that made me really excited. hahah. i love PALs so much. it's the only thing i look forward to at school.

on a different note, this week has been really good. monday i was really really stressed out about everything i had to do this week. but God totally calmed me down and i started looking at things a little bit more rationally. it's amazing what God does. i can't get over it.

so tomorrow i have a calculus test. i kind of feel like i'm at that point where i can't really study, i can only practice how to do it to drill it into my head, although i already know how to do it. hopefully that goes well. i'm a little nervous because i don't know what i made on my last test. and i know it shouldn't matter, but i like knowing whether i need to try hard or not. haha
and my computer science project was originally due on wednesday but the deadline was pushed back until tomorrow at the end of the period. definitely a HUGE blessing because it took me a few days to figure out how to do everything.
i have to finish reading book one of 1984 tonight. i have trouble keeping focus in that book. i think i was asleep when i read half of it. hahah.
there's this big 10,000 dollar scholarship that i'm applying for and it's all due next saturday. i still have to write an essay, record an audition (it's a music scholarship. it's really tight. i can use it for tuition OR for buying a bassoon), get teacher recommendations, send a transcript and all that jazz. i'm not sure if i'll have it done in time. but the good thing is if i don't make the november 1 deadline, there's a january 1 deadline. but they encourage seniors to apply by november. but we'll just see how that goes.
my OU application is finally done! thanks to my mom, jon, and mrs kessler for revising and editing my scholarship essays. i really couldn't have gotten through it all without them. i'm horrible with words.
area marching band competition on saturday. i kind of hope we make it to finals, and i kind of don't really care. and i kind of hope we make it to state, but at the same time i don't because i don't want to miss a day of school. but we'll see how that works out. i'm kind of excited. bassoon solo! yay!

and the best part of my week:

JON COMES HOME TOMORROW!
and he's coming to the football game and we're leaving after half-time and hanging out :)
i'm so excited. but i don't want the weekend to end. because once he leaves, i won't see him again until christmas. which means he won't be here for my birthday. but i don't like to think about that. so yay i get to seehim tomorrow!

so yeah.. that's my little update thing on my life. haha

PALs

2008-10-21T15:12:00.000-05:00

Today my PALs class went to Lamkin to meet our little PALees! It was the best experience I've had all year so far. We left the school on the bus and I was soooooooo excited. I could barely sit in my seat. And then we got to Lamkin and we all had to sit in the library and wait for the kiddos to come. And while we were waiting we looked at the list that had the name of our little PAL on it. Then the kids came and sat down and they're so little! i mean, they're third graders, but still. I forget how small children actually are because I spend most of my time around high schoolers and junior highers. Then the big PALs went outside and waited while Kobal talked to the little ones, I guess. And we were all sooooooooo excited. It was great. All the energy and positivity was just.. exciting. And then the babies came outside and we cheered for them and then Kobal paired us up. And my kid is a little black girl named Carrington. She is soooooooo sweet. She was really really really shy at first. But then she opened up a lot. Our assignment today was to talk about our favorite things. So I asked her questions and she answered them and then she would start asking me questions, too! It was sooooo cute. One of the questions she asked was "Are you in 11th grade?" and i said "No, I'm in 12th grade," and she made this face that was so shocked like "WOAH YOU'RE OLD!" hahaha. And then when we were leaving, I turned to her and said "You rock!" and she said "You rock, too!" and it was amazing. I gave her a high five and walked over to where the Big PALs were meeting and turned around and she was waving at me. It was the best feeling in the world.

i'm so excited to see how God is going to use me in this little girl's life.

college!

2008-09-30T22:51:00.000-05:00

so, i know i said i would post about the college trip later, but i'm thinking i won't. haha i'm too lazy. if you really want to know, just ask me :)

anyways i'll update ya'll on the college thing. so the only school i've actually applied to is OBU and i'm not really interested in going there. that was just out of boredom from the hurricane haha. same thing with Baylor. i'll probably finish the Baylor one this week though just so i'll have an in-state school in the midst of my options. so other than that, i still need to finish my application for LSU and OU and start the one for CU. there's just like a few things on the LSU/OU app that just stump me. like how can i diversify the university? I CAN'T!! i'm a white girl. nothing diverse about me. i wish i was more in tune with my italian heritage so i could be diverse. haha. so yeah i just have to figure that out and then i'm done with OU. and then LSU... i don't remember why i didn't finish. but oh well. but yeah. after visiting OU these past two weekends and comparing it to other colleges, it is definitely my first choice. like.. i'm only applying to CU because my mom REALLY wants to me to go to school in colorado. i'm not sure why, but she always has. hahah. but that means i have to write those stupid essays JUST for that application. gay. and i don't really want to go to LSU because it's dangerous. hahah. and because.. it just didn't really appeal to me as much as CU and OU did. but i'm still applying because i don't have to write essays and to see how much scholarship money they offer me. they basically already told me i would get a full-ride because i'm from texas. so we'll see if that happens. but yeah i'm going to go rory gilmore on you. here's a pro/con list so i can show you how awesome OU is.

UNIVERSITY OF COLORADO
PROS
the campus is absolutely beautiful. the elementary music education program is really really strong . i'm pretty much guaranteed a job in colorado as soon as i graduate.
CONS
it's known as a party school. tuition for out-of-state is WAY UBER expensive. like.. it hurts me to think of how much it would cost. one year of marching band is required. and i really don't like the bassoon teacher. at all. he scares me and i think he's prejudiced against people from texas. no lie. haha. and it's really far from home. a 16 hour drive. sigh. that's just too far. and boulder is an expensive city to live in.
Louisiana State University
PROS
no marching band required. only like a four hour drive i think? i could very possibly not have to pay for tuition.
CONS
HURRICANES! haha. i don't want to deal with those for a while. the dorm rooms pretty much suck. and i just can't really see myself living there.

UNIVERSITY OF OKLAHOMA!!
PROS
i don't even know where to begin. the campus is SOOOO beautiful. and the town is just amazingly cute and old fashioned. the band is really good and the band directors are really nice and funny and like me. and the bassoon teacher is AMAZING. i could totally see myself being his student. he's so funny and unique and quite a talker. and he really really cares about his students and is really passionate about them. ANDDD i found out yesterday that i don't have to do marching band!!! which is really very exciting. and i was talking to the bassoon teacher and he basically told me that he would make sure that i get scholarship money. they love me there. and i love it there too! i can definitely see myself going there. like.. no other school compares. i can't even think of any CONS. sigh. i really hope it works out that i go there. although, i'm trying to not to make up my mind right now. because things and plans change. or rather, my plans don't always match up with God's exactly.

so yeah. that's where i stand on college. i'm so ready to be out of high school. you have no idea. i'm so tired of it.

2008-09-23T20:29:00.001-05:00

i'll post about the rest of my trip soon, i promise. i was going to do it yesterday, but i was too tired and had too much to do. and right now i'm not really feeling it. but just to give you few cats who actually look at this something to read, i will briefly explained what went down today. in fragments rather than sentences. because i'm in that kind of mood.

last night checked online grades. 68 on calculus test. freak out because studied really hard for it and felt like i really knew the stuff. but that's life. self-esteem down.

regardless, woke up in very good mood because i saw jon yesterday.

got to school very very early for me.

teacher's assistant played with sparkly material with alexa. fun.

gov't started freaking out because test next tuesday. no time to study. gone all weekend and monday. crap. self esteem down.

english got transcript. GPA down, but rank up! no longer #35, but #32. have to work hard to keep GPA up to stay in summa cum laude. self esteem up.

band=gay. hate band. hate hate hate hate. fhgdsafgdsa

calculus really upset about test grade. turns out it was a mistake. grades entered into gradebook wrong. actually got a 96! self-esteem shot up. a lot.

lunch good mood left over from calculus.

PALs forgot song lyrics. doing song tomorrow. nervous. emotions were up and down throughout class.

computer science turns out teacher is martial arts instructor. knew he wasn't really a comp sci teacher. hate class. no idea what to do.

PALS student advisory board meeting. lots of fun. get to hang out with kelly condon and curtis gurka! i'm secretary! self-esteem way up. love PALs

marching band rehearsal. practiced bassoon for an hour. haven't practiced in two weeks. i suck. go outside to play show music for band and rehearse with them. first thing veenstra tells me after i start playing my solo "you really don't sound good at all." really really really really hurt me. all self-esteem and confidence gone. at least in regards to music. double reed section really sucks. neville doesn't pay attention. frustrating. hopefully gets better. wanted to cry the whole time. i hate band. faghdgsafjhldsgafhjdsgfahjldsgafjhdsgfajhlgdf

on a different note, i'm learning more and more to trust God. it's so hard. i want to know exactly what's going to happen in my future. and i've started stressing out about it. but i'm also learning how to just let it go and let God take care of it and it eases a lot of the worry.

Baylor & USAFA

2008-09-18T22:44:00.000-05:00

we left yesterday (wednesday) afternoon and set on our adventure to colorado! we weren't planning on stopping at Baylor, but we ended up going through Waco, so we decided to go ahead. And i'm glad we did. before i saw the campus, i didn't think i would like it that much. i think it was just the idea of a private school. but we got there and looked around, and it is definitely a campus i can see myself living at. it's so incredibly pretty. i'm not sure how good the music program is, but cheryl (my lesson teacher) keeps asking me what i think of Baylor, so maybe that's because there's a good bassoon teacher? i don't know, i'll have to talk to her about it at my next lesson.the only problem with baylor, though, is the tuition. i am definitely not going to be able to pay for it. so it's not at the top of my list. but yeah. so we looked at baylor for about two hours with Rachel Lieber, who attends the school, and then we were on our way. we stopped for the night a few hours from amarillo and got this really cheap motel room. we definitely got what we paid for. haha. it had dead light bugs on the floor. and only had a bed and shower. but it's cool. we only needed to sleep, anyways. and then this morning we left around 8:30 and drove the rest of the way to colorado. we cut through the corner of new mexico, so that was really cool. i'd never been to new mexico. anyways, we got to colorado springs around 4ish? and met up with Daniel at the Unites States Air Force Academy. now, just to clear up any confusion this may cause, I AM NOT GOING TO BE IN THE AIR FORCE! haha. i would not last one freaking second. but since we were going to be incolorado, i knew daniel would appreciate a visit since he hasn't left the base/campus in three months so he hasn't seen anybody. it's really pretty there. definitely a lack of oxygen, but surrounded by beautiful mountains. and ironically, the song that came on my "gaypod" when we driving around the perimeter of the base was "Lead of Love." molly will appreciate that. hha. anyways. daniel showed us around. it was so cool getting to see him again and having him tell us everything about the campus. he totally loves it there, and it's totally evident in the way he talks about it. like.. when he would tell us the "traditions" and stuff, it made me excited. i mean, the traditions are totally intense and things you would expect at a military base, but he looks at it not as intense nasty things. but just something that has to be done. and he can't see himself being anywhere else. which is what i'm hoping i will be able to experience wherever i end up going to college. so after he showed us around, me and mom left and drove to boulder. and we got extremely lucky with finding a hotel. the CU vs WVU football game was tonight. and we ended up getting a room at a hotel fairly close to the campus for somewhat cheap compared to other hotel rates here. we got the last room :) so tomorrow we're going to go look at CU and then maybe drive up to fort collins and look at CSU. then drive out to shawnee, oklahoma and see marie! i will post more later!

you can go here for more Baylor pictures

or here for USAFA pictures

Surprises

2008-09-16T22:16:00.000-05:00

i never realized how great a guy my dad is. like, i give him such a hard time because he's not the christian father I always wished I had. but really, he is a wonderful person deep down inside. i mostly noticed this today when he was talking about how ridiculous one of his employees is being. and i saw how much he cares about other people and about our family and stuff. my dad provided a generator, wood to board up windows, water, and everything to prepare for this hurricane for his employees. he GAVE it to them so they could keep their families safe. he's still paying his employees for fourty hours this week, even though there's no work to be done and money with the business is extremely tight. he cares about them like they're his own family. and they just don't appreciate it. i can only hope i'll be as lucky as they are when i get a full-time job.

AND, the only reason he puts up with all the crap he gets from his employees is so the job can get done quickly and efficiently so he can be able to pay for us, his real family. he goes through every means necessary to be able to provide us with a home, food, light, comfort, everything. he pretty much gives us everything we want and need. and we don't appreciate him enough.

i may say some horrible stuff about my dad, but don't let that fool you into thinking he's a horrible guy. i'm just a selfish, immature, ignorant young girl. i love my dad. he's wonderful.

on another note, i'm leaving tomorrow morning. me and my mother are going on a very last minute road trip. as of right now, our plans are looking somewhat like this:

wednesday: leave in the morning to drive to colorado. get there sometime wednesday night.

thursday: tin the morning take a tour at University of Colorado at Boulder. finish by the afternoon and drive to colorado springs to visit Daniel Barina at the United States Air Force Academy and have him show us around. (I have no intention at all to go there. but i figured daniel would enjoy the company) then when that is done, drive up to Fort Collins and stay the night.

friday: morning tour at Colorado State University. I don't want to go there, but mom wants to visit. and while we're in colorado, we might as well. finish that by afternoon. this is where the plans get iffy. but we'll just assume we won't be able to stay with a friend this night. so after the tour we drive over to oklahoma and geta hotel for the night.

saturday: i will be in shawnee and spending as much time as possible with Marie Evans. I might get an official tour of the campus if it's available. but yeah.

sunday: if jon's back in norman by then, we'll probably stop in norman to say hey and spend a few hours with him. but if that doesn't happen, i'll be okay because i'll be able to see him in a week and a half!!! and then we'll head home!

i'm so excited. i will take TONS of pictures and upload them all to facebook. you'll feel like you were there :)

updates about colleges i'm applying to:

LSU

Baylor

OBU

(maybe) CU

i really probably won't go to CU because it's too far away. i can handle oklahoma and louisiana. colorado is like a 16 hour drive though. :(

and on ANOTHER note, i found my "homecoming" dress today. simple black dress for 16 bucks that i can pretty much to whatever. formal, casual, that ambiguous thing called "semi-formal" it works for all. i can't wait to wear it on my date with jon :) AND i saw matt mitchell at the mall. we were both waiting in line for taco bell. so we talked up a storm. seriously, i've never talked to him so much in my life. it was exciting. he's really cool. and i hung out with alexa and amanda (we went shopping together) they're really cool too. it was nice seeing friends again hahaha.

anyways this was an obnoxiously long post; i apologize. i will update about the colleges later!

i'm bringing my laptop with me so i can upload pictures/post about each college each day! yay!

2008-09-15T20:41:00.000-05:00

So, out of sheer boredom, I have decided to apply to more colleges. I'm not really looking into these colleges seriously, but hey, I might as well, right? And I have nothing better to do in the next two days, so I might as well fill out some applications. I've almost finished my OU application (I just need my official GPA and class rank. DARN YOU, IKE!), my LSU application, and on a total whim, a Baylor application. Cheryl (my bassoon lesson teacher) constantly asks what I think of Baylor, and honestly, I don't really want to go there. But Molly made a good point, the application fee is waived if I apply on-line. AND I don't have to write an essay since I did the essay portion of the SAT. That's another thing I need to get on.. SAT/ACT. I've taken the SAT score once. And I was somewhat happy with my score of 1850... until I realized all of my friends got scores of AT LEAST 1950. So I need to register for that. And for the ACT. sigh. anyways. And I'm about to go look at the UNT application. I really really don't want to go there. But I need more colleges on my list since everytime someone asks where I'm looking I can really only tell them OU because I get a lot of crap about how "dangerous" LSU is. So I really don't want to go there now. But I'll still apply so I can get a good deal of money and use that to bargain with other schools I want to go to.

I say I'm ready for college, but I'm starting to wonder if I really am.

We Like Ike?

2008-09-11T17:05:00.000-05:00

i'm not sure how i feel about this "Hurricane Ike"

while i'm excited about not having school and stuff, i'd rather be at school with my friends then stuck at home with my family for three days. my dad has already told me i'm not allowed to go ANYWHERE at all this weekend. so that means all five of us cooped up in this tiny little house fighting for 72 hours straight. woooonderful. at least i can play piano alot to escape. i'm going to print out alot of sheet music online so i can work on that alot. i just have to figure out what to print. i've started working on let it be by the beatles. it's pretty easy. and also, i'll probably finish jon's anniversary gift. i'm really excited about it. i can't wait to give it to him. AND i'll be able to practice bassoon (assuming that my cold will disappear by tomorrow. haha. it's REALLY hard to play bassoon when you're congested. gross.) and i guess i'll work on calculus homework and catch up on some Bible reading and clean my room and all that jazz. hopefully ike turns out like rita. but as of right now, it looks as if it's going to be the exact opposite of it. the news just said we'll be pretty much directly hit. gayyyy.

on a different note, i'm changing my PALs song. i was going to do super trooper and just kind of talk about sophomore year. but during PALs today i decided i wanted to do something more specific and use a song that would actually relate to a memory. so i'm going to do The Girl by City and Colour and talk about Jon and when we went on vacation and i knew that things were going to work out for me and him while he's at OU. and i will probably start crying while talking about it. but hey, what better way to connect with my class then crying, since i never cry in front of people.

i miss jon alot. and i'm really jealous of like marie and ian and kyle because they get to see him this weekend and i can't even go anywhere. i wish i could evacuate to oklahoma.

i can't wait to go to college. i am definitely NOT going to LSU. not after all this stupid hurricane crap. i never want to live somewhere that has to deal with this stuff ever again.

Update

My Eighteenth Birthday: 69 days

PROM: 232 days

Graduation: 268 days

"Homecoming": 16 days

Update

2008-08-27T16:37:00.000-05:00

My Eighteenth Birthday: 83 days
PROM: 246 days
Graduation: 282 days
"Homecoming": 29 days

Untitled

2008-08-19T11:12:00.000-05:00

why do i even try talking to my dad anymore? it's always a hopeless cause. it always ends up in a fight or with him being disappointed in me or yelling at me for no reason. why do i even bother? i have to walk on eggshells when i'm talking to him and the outcome is NEVER the way i want it to be.

why can't he just be happy with me? why can't he just be proud of me? why does he always have to find something else to nag at me about? i try so hard to make him happy.

maybe it's not his fault. maybe it's my fault. maybe i really am being too selfish and greedy. maybe there isn't anything to be happy with. maybe there isn't anything to proud of. maybe i'm just his defective daughter that never does anything right.

But at least I have my Father in Heaven. He always loves me. No matter what I do wrong.
Thank You, Lord.

Time and Money, Money and Time.

2008-08-17T16:53:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking alot lately. And I don't think I'm going to try out for the play at school. It wouldn't be fair to everybody else because I wouldn't be able to at all the rehearsals and I'm doing so many things that I wouldn't be able to be excellent at everything. And if I did do the play, honestly the activity that would suffer and be done poorly is the play. Plus, money situations in my family are really tight right now. So I'm not going to get much support from my dad when it comes time to pay for college. And I don't have much money saved up. So I really need to get a job. What sucks though is the only days I have free are Monday and Saturday. But hopefully next summer I'll be able to get a really good job and it'll make up for this year? I don't know. I'm starting to stress out about everything again. Mostly about college and how it's going to get paid for.

I'm having alot of trouble remembering that all of this is in God's control and that He'll provide for me and trusting Him.

Just For Fun

2008-08-16T19:05:00.001-05:00

I'm going to create a countdown. Just to give me something to look forward to.

My Eighteenth Birthday: 94 days

PROM: 257 days

Graduation: 293 days

Those are the things I'm really looking forward to this year.

Besides when Jon comes into town of course. :)

I will see you again

2008-08-16T15:12:00.000-05:00

I can tell I'm going to like blogging. haha. it's so... refreshing just talking to no one in particular about my day. Although I would rather just be telling Jon. But you know, whatever works, right?

So I woke up and went to the school to paint the parking space numbers in the Brigade Lot. And I get there are NO other band kids there. And one PALs member. The rest of the kids were brigade girls. omg. Anyways, it turns out Mr. Veenstra had told all the band kids at last night's practice not to come help. Of course, I don't go to the night practices. But oh well. So we had to sweep the parking lot and then put the number stencils down and then there was a paint sprayer machine. It was the most frustrating thing I've ever done. Mostly because me and Sarah Madden were the only ones really getting anything done. All the brigade girls were so incredibly slow. They would carry one stencil at a time or just stand there. But yeah. I got really sunburned even though it was cloudy. Crazy. I sweated alot and had alot of fun with Sarah, at least. OH and I got two blisters from SWEEPING. One of them popped while I was sweeping and I didn't even realize I had a blister until it popped and I felt this burning sensation in my thumb. And the other one's a little baby one on the side of my little knuckle on my ring finger. It's cute. And band was cool I guess. We listend to the H2 Saxophone Quartet. They're pretty much the best sax quartet in the country. It's amazing. I'm pretty sure saxophone is my favorite instrument when it's played in ensembles. I just love the sound of them. Amazing.

On a different note, I am incredibly ready for this year to be over. I'm so ready to move on to a different portion of my life. Things are different this year, but enough the same to make me uncomfortable. That probably doesn't make sense to anybody else. But I want to experience something totally new. I'm so jealous of Jon. Haha.

so there goes my life
passing by with every exit sign
its been so long
sometimes i wonder how i will stay strong
no sleep tonight
i'll keep on driving these dark highway lines
and as the moon fades
ive only got twenty more days
but i will see you again
i will see you again
a long time from now

I can't get it out of my head.

Let The Stress Begin.

2008-08-14T16:04:00.000-05:00

I am just now fully realizing everything I am doing this upcoming year. How much I have going on. How little "Taylor-Time" I will really have. And I'm beginning to remember how being overwhelmed with stress feels.

Bobcat Express was today. Nothing too exciting. Parking stickers now cost $50 instead of like $35. My Student Assistant "course" is the same period as Tech Theatre, which is what I wanted. Anyways, this is what my schedule looks like.

1. Teacher's Assistant

2. Gov't AP/Dual

3. English IV AP

4. Band

5. Calculus BC

(Lunch?)

6. PALs

7. Computer Science K

Pretty do-able I guess. A good balance of fun and extremely hard. And I saw Alexa McLatcher. The Queen of Theatre. And the Children's Play this year is The Little Mermaid. Alexa is convinced I am the perfect person to play Ariel. And Mrs. Koern usually let's seniority rule when it comes to lead roles. So the other senior girls are me, Alexa, and Olivia. At least, those are the only ones I can think of. It has always been my dream to be a lead in a play. However, if I can convince Veenstra AND Koern to be a little lenient about my schedule and I make the play, my schedule will be jam packed. I would have Little Mermaid rehearsal from 3-5 everyday. Marching band from roughly 6-9 tuesday and thursday (maybe wednesday?). Then that leaves after 9 for all my ridiculous AP courses. So when is there time to practice bassoon, which is my main goal this year? I HAVE to make All-State this year. I made a deal with Veenstra that if I could be excused from 80% of the marching band practices, I would spend extra time playing bassoon. Which I intend to do. But I shouldn't feel like I have to ask permission to audition for a play from Veenstra. He is not in control of me. It's my senior year. I should be able to do what I want to do. I know that I work better when I have more stuff to do. I love being really busy.

This is my senior year. I do what I want. I'm auditioning for the play.

So next year, I will be involved in:

Marching Band, Theatre, Tech Theatre, Church Band, 4 AP Classes, PALs, Making All-State, NHS, Full Orchestra, Key Club, and hopefully something like Higher Dimensions or FCA.

I really hope I enjoy it.

Oh, and I'm REALLY frustrated with CollegeBoard right now.

GDYJHFSAGDSKGFDHSFHSFDHSFDHSKFDKGSFKHDG

The End.

First Blog! Yay!

2008-08-14T01:26:00.000-05:00

So this is my first blog! I'm not exactly sure how I want this to work yet. But just so there's not a big empty space on my page, I'll briefly state what I did today.

I deleted my myspace with Jon! Myspace is so stupid...

And I hung out with Jon. :)

I also bought a new planner and started adding all the football games and dates and stuff for the school year. I'm really excited about school now. Mostly all the random student holidays we have and prom and graduation. I can't wait until the Prom/Graduation portion of my life. I'm so ready for high school to be over. But I know that once it is over, I'll wish it wasn't. But hey, that's life.