Alright, so in case you can't tell, I'm trying to keep up with my blog a little bit more often.  I just still haven't decided if I really want to update about my life or what on here. I wish I was the type of person that could post deep, philosophical epiphanies or something, but I'm not. I honestly don't think I'm that deep of a person and I haven't figured out if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Probably a little bit of both. So for now, I'll just update about the last few days of my life. This is going to end up being kind of long so I'll paraphrase each paragraph now, and you can choose what you want to read.

Exciting: Summer job

Funny: Sleep conversations

Exciting: LSU auditions

In the last post I mentioned a possible summer job. I didn't want to go into too much detail until it was final because I tend to spread the news of things too early and I end up disappointing myself even more when it doesn't happen. But I'll go into detail now :) Last week I started REALLY praying about a summer job opportunity. And I definitely was NOT expecting finding a job this early. But I did. At ABS, I was just sitting there talking to Lauren and Kristina and I heard Mrs. Angie say "Is anybody looking for a summer job?" and I immediately said "I am!" So long story short, Mr. Dave's boss is looking for kind of a "nanny" to look after two sixth grade boys this summer from 7:30-4:30. This is exactly the kind of job I had in mind! Well, not EXACTLY. I was envisioning an office just filing things, but this is better. Because now I can get pretty nice pay during the day, and also do the cow in the evening! I was waiting for Mr. Dave to email me with her information, but Mrs. Angie said that he already talked to his boss about it and she's really excited about me! I can't wait! It'll be nice to have some extra money this summer. Most of it will probably go into savings/thing I'll need for college. I think I'm going to start building the list of things I'll need now. Especially clothes. I borrow a lot of clothes from Mom and Morgan. Oh, btw, today is Morgan's birthday! She's 16! Scary! I knit her a scarf for her gift, but I lost one of my knitting needles and now I can't finish. :( I hope I find it soon. I was planning on knitting a lot on the way to Oklahoma. Maybe I'll go and buy a different size and toy around with those for a little while. We'll see. This ended up being a random train of thought. Oh well.

Friday night I left for Louisiana with my mom and we stopped at our really close family friend's house and stayed with her. Her and my mom are the very best of friends, so it's always awesome to just sit and listen to them talk like old friends. It makes me happy that Mom's happy when she's with her friends like Mindy and Kim. Anyways, so I went to bed at about 10:30. So I called Jon before I fell asleep, but he was in a movie and so he said he'd call me back. So I fell asleep. Around 3:00am I woke up again on my own because Jon hadn't called me back yet (or so I thought). I also have a rough night's sleep when Jon says he'll call and he doesn't. I worry that something happened to him. Anyways, so I grabbed my phone to see if maybe I had slept through it ringing (I had put it next to my pillow so I could feel it vibrate rather than putting it on the table next to me so I could hear it vibrate). But no missed call. So I was starting to get upset and I thought about calling him to make sure everything was okay. But I decided to check my Call Log before I called him at 3 in the morning and woke him up. Good thing I did, because he HAD called me at midnight. But I didn't sleep through the ring, I slept through the conversation!!! We had a 2 minute long conversation and I was sleep-talking the whole time. I didn't remember even waking up and answering the phone. I was kind of confused at 3am, but when I woke up six hours later, I realized I had been talking in my sleep. I've never done that before. Well, talking on the phone in my sleep. I've woken myself up from talking in my sleep. Hahahahah. I thought it was hilarious though.

Anyways, so the reason I was going up to Louisiana was for my School of Music audition. Basically, it went really really well. The bassoon professor REALLY liked me and he basically told me that I would get a full ride if I went there. Even though that's REALLY exciting, it makes me nervous and freak out kind of. I REALLY REALLY don't want to go to LSU. I mean, it wouldn't be that bad considering I wouldn't have to pay, but I just don't feel like that's where I belong. I just wouldn't be comfortable there. Yesterday on my way home from work I started crying and freaking out thinking about going to LSU. And everytime I think about it, I can feel my stress level rising and it's so hard to handle. So just pray that my OU audition will go that well. And for my nerves. sigh.

Everytime I work, there's always at least one little kid that's either a little bit afraid of me or one that absolutely loves me. And they're accompanied by his/her mother. And it always makes me really excited about being a mom someday. The love she shows to her child is just overwhelmingly amazing. I wish I could explain the way this one mother talks to her son. It's the cutest, sweetest thing I've ever seen. You can tell she's a good mom. And they come at least twice a month. I want to be just like her someday. I don't know who she is, but she's my role model. I hope I'll be a good, loving, encouraging mother.

Anyways, I think I've overwhelmed you enough for one day.

Today has been a very exciting day! And so much has gone on this week. It's crazy. I can go into more detail about everything later, but here's a brief overview.

My LSU auditions are this Saturday. And my OU auditions are Monday the 16th. I'm really nervous. But I've been emailing people at the OU School of Music a ton asking questions and stuff to get my name in the system. Hopefully that means I'll be more recognizable and get more money? We'll see.

OU loves me. Love = Money. At least that's how it should go down in my book. Because I really need scholarships.

I went to Calculus tutoring today and I finally understand what we've been learning this week. It is such a great feeling. I love it.

POSSIBLE summer job! It's perfect. I really hope it all works out. I'm definitely going to go into more detail about this later. I just don't want to act like I got it in the bag and then woops! no more job. :(

I've gotten a lot of knitting done this week. I'm excited.

Jon and I kind of had a rough last few days. Mostly yesterday. Miscommunication, misinterpretation. All that jazz that happens when you live a billion miles apart. BUT we talked it out and everything is up to snuff! I really hate it when we aren't on the same page. But luckily, we're both patient enough and understanding enough to let the little things go and work through the big things. I'm so lucky to have in my life.

And on a bigger note, I've begun to realize how my past has shaped me into the person I am today. And I'm finally starting embrace it and accept that it's a part of me.

I feel great.

God is good.

My letter jacket tail is true. "GOD PROVIDES"

Who's Got Talent?

i've forgotten how much i love performing.

last night was the "Who's Got Talent?" Show at Cy-Fair. I was in it, playing piano and singing. I was EXTREMELY nervous before hand, but like always, once I was put in the spotlight, all nervousness vanished. I love performing. So so so so much. It really makes me miss all of the things I used to do that would put me on a stage. Piano lessons and dance recitals, mostly. I love just getting up and being the center of attention for just that one moment and not have to worry about feeling conceited. I just get up and do my best. And afterwards, everyone's always so encouraging. Man, I miss it so much.

Most of my friends at school don't read this blog, but if you happen to read it today, thanks so much for coming to the talent show if you came! And thanks for the billions of hugs from everybody!

After I performed, I went into the audience during intermission and all of my band friends were sitting by the door and they saw me and ALL of them got up and came and gave me a hug and told me how good I was. Which was extremely encouraging because that was teh first time most people at school had ever heard me sing. I received a lot of comments that were along the lines of "OH MY GOSH I had NO IDEA you had a voice like that!" and "Since when do you sing?!?!" etc. It made me feel really good about myself. And it doesn't even matter that I didn't even place, because I did my best and everybody loved me. Apparently I had a huge "fan base" there. hahaha.

I love my friends.

i don't know what's harder. going two months without seeing jon, or seeing jon everyday for a month and having him leave again.

long distance relationships suck.

bahahahahahah. so i had to work tonight. and i am required to park at the 24 hour fitness across the street to allow more parking spaces for customers. so i'm driving into the parking lot and it is totally PACKED. there were absolutely NO parking spaces. luckily, someone was pulling out as i was pulling in and i snagged a spot where i usually park. i was extremely confused why there were so many cars there. and then i went to work at 5:40. i left early and clocked out at 6:40 because there was absolutely NOBODY at chick-fil-a. i saw a total of three children there and by 6:30 two of them had left and the other was playing in the play place. so i had the option of going home and working on more scholarships (i've been really motivated for scholarships. i'll get to that in a second as soon as i'm done ranting about this) or dancing by myself in a cow costume for an hour and a half longer. i chose the former. so i'm walking across the street to go to my car and leave and the parking lot is STILL packed. and all of the sudden, i realize why. new years' resolutions. everyone wants to get in shape. and i started laughing out loud. i'm making a little bet with myself to see how long it takes for all the hype about staying fit dies down and i can finally find a parking space easily again.

on a different note, SCHOLARSHIPS! i've really been on fire today about scholarships, and hopefully this lasts a while. because last night, as i was laying in bed ATTEMPTING to sleep, i got extremely stressed out. i was just breaking down because i was so uncertain about everything. if i don't get enough scholarship money to go to OU, i'm going to have to go to community college or LSU. and i definitely don't want to do that. i mean, my parents would pay and get loans and stuff so i COULD go where i wanted, but i wouldn't ask that of them. not just so i can become a teacher. and i don't want to come out of college with a bunch of debt. so i was freaking out. and i was just praying and praying about it. and somehow i fell asleep. and so this morning during first period i went to the counselors to give them a counselor report thing for this one scholarship that is due this friday. then during third period, the counselor called me in to ask me a question about the thing, and we talked and she's really nice (she's rooting for the Gators to win the football game on thursday, though. so she's automatically knocked down a few spots on my lists. haha just kidding) and she gave me a few other schloarships to apply for. and one of them is due on wednesday and hopefully not many people will apply for it. and this other one i'm not sure about, but i'll try it anyways. what the heck right? so hopefully i'll just keep finding scholarships to apply for and be diligent about it so i can get some money for college. i can't think of anywhere else i'd rather be than the University of Oklahoma.

oh and since i talked about new years resolutions, here is my list of ongoing goals that i have had for the past about 7 months and i'm just kind of... renewing them and making them a little bit more challenging.

1. i will read my Bible or do some sort of Bible study every day. (i know i will fail at this because i'm human. but it's always a good goal to have!)
2. i will not drink soda for the rest of the year. 2009 will be soda free (over teh summer i decided to go on a soda fast and i just continued it into the school year. but i've been breaking it quite a bit lately and i can definitely tell the effects it's having on me)
3. i will not eat any food after 9:00 pm (once again, something i started at the beginning of the school year and i haven't been very diligent about it lately)
4. i will work on scholarships at least every other day (this one is new)
5. i will not stress out about things that don't matter and i will put complete trust in the Lord and just wait for things to work out in His timing. i will also try my best not to be negative. (i will also fail at this because i'm human and that is my tendency. but i've been making a conscious effort to not be like that and i've been having trouble with that lately)

so there you go. try to keep me accountable, if you will. :)