little update

so i might my other PAL today. he is the cutest little boy ever. he's the complete opposite of Carrington, my PAL from lamkin. he's really talkative and goes off on random tangents about his dogs when i ask him questions and he ALWAYS smiles. and he's in second grade. oh and his name is Jayce. he's absolutely adorable. we're going to be very best friends. and he's an only child and he told me sometimes he likes to pretend that his dogs are his brothers and sisters. and he said he has two pittbulls too!! that made me really excited. hahah. i love PALs so much. it's the only thing i look forward to at school.

on a different note, this week has been really good. monday i was really really stressed out about everything i had to do this week. but God totally calmed me down and i started looking at things a little bit more rationally. it's amazing what God does. i can't get over it.

• so tomorrow i have a calculus test. i kind of feel like i'm at that point where i can't really study, i can only practice how to do it to drill it into my head, although i already know how to do it. hopefully that goes well. i'm a little nervous because i don't know what i made on my last test. and i know it shouldn't matter, but i like knowing whether i need to try hard or not. haha
• and my computer science project was originally due on wednesday but the deadline was pushed back until tomorrow at the end of the period. definitely a HUGE blessing because it took me a few days to figure out how to do everything.
• i have to finish reading book one of 1984 tonight. i have trouble keeping focus in that book. i think i was asleep when i read half of it. hahah.
• there's this big 10,000 dollar scholarship that i'm applying for and it's all due next saturday. i still have to write an essay, record an audition (it's a music scholarship. it's really tight. i can use it for tuition OR for buying a bassoon), get teacher recommendations, send a transcript and all that jazz. i'm not sure if i'll have it done in time. but the good thing is if i don't make the november 1 deadline, there's a january 1 deadline. but they encourage seniors to apply by november. but we'll just see how that goes.
• my OU application is finally done! thanks to my mom, jon, and mrs kessler for revising and editing my scholarship essays. i really couldn't have gotten through it all without them. i'm horrible with words.
• area marching band competition on saturday. i kind of hope we make it to finals, and i kind of don't really care. and i kind of hope we make it to state, but at the same time i don't because i don't want to miss a day of school. but we'll see how that works out. i'm kind of excited. bassoon solo! yay!

and the best part of my week:

JON COMES HOME TOMORROW!
and he's coming to the football game and we're leaving after half-time and hanging out :)
i'm so excited. but i don't want the weekend to end. because once he leaves, i won't see him again until christmas. which means he won't be here for my birthday. but i don't like to think about that. so yay i get to seehim tomorrow!

so yeah.. that's my little update thing on my life. haha

PALs

Today my PALs class went to Lamkin to meet our little PALees! It was the best experience I've had all year so far. We left the school on the bus and I was soooooooo excited. I could barely sit in my seat. And then we got to Lamkin and we all had to sit in the library and wait for the kiddos to come. And while we were waiting we looked at the list that had the name of our little PAL on it. Then the kids came and sat down and they're so little! i mean, they're third graders, but still. I forget how small children actually are because I spend most of my time around high schoolers and junior highers. Then the big PALs went outside and waited while Kobal talked to the little ones, I guess. And we were all sooooooooo excited. It was great. All the energy and positivity was just.. exciting. And then the babies came outside and we cheered for them and then Kobal paired us up. And my kid is a little black girl named Carrington. She is soooooooo sweet. She was really really really shy at first. But then she opened up a lot. Our assignment today was to talk about our favorite things. So I asked her questions and she answered them and then she would start asking me questions, too! It was sooooo cute. One of the questions she asked was "Are you in 11th grade?" and i said "No, I'm in 12th grade," and she made this face that was so shocked like "WOAH YOU'RE OLD!" hahaha. And then when we were leaving, I turned to her and said "You rock!" and she said "You rock, too!" and it was amazing. I gave her a high five and walked over to where the Big PALs were meeting and turned around and she was waving at me. It was the best feeling in the world.

i'm so excited to see how God is going to use me in this little girl's life.

college!

so, i know i said i would post about the college trip later, but i'm thinking i won't. haha i'm too lazy. if you really want to know, just ask me :)

anyways i'll update ya'll on the college thing. so the only school i've actually applied to is OBU and i'm not really interested in going there. that was just out of boredom from the hurricane haha. same thing with Baylor. i'll probably finish the Baylor one this week though just so i'll have an in-state school in the midst of my options. so other than that, i still need to finish my application for LSU and OU and start the one for CU. there's just like a few things on the LSU/OU app that just stump me. like how can i diversify the university? I CAN'T!! i'm a white girl. nothing diverse about me. i wish i was more in tune with my italian heritage so i could be diverse. haha. so yeah i just have to figure that out and then i'm done with OU. and then LSU... i don't remember why i didn't finish. but oh well. but yeah. after visiting OU these past two weekends and comparing it to other colleges, it is definitely my first choice. like.. i'm only applying to CU because my mom REALLY wants to me to go to school in colorado. i'm not sure why, but she always has. hahah. but that means i have to write those stupid essays JUST for that application. gay. and i don't really want to go to LSU because it's dangerous. hahah. and because.. it just didn't really appeal to me as much as CU and OU did. but i'm still applying because i don't have to write essays and to see how much scholarship money they offer me. they basically already told me i would get a full-ride because i'm from texas. so we'll see if that happens. but yeah i'm going to go rory gilmore on you. here's a pro/con list so i can show you how awesome OU is.

UNIVERSITY OF COLORADO
PROS
the campus is absolutely beautiful. the elementary music education program is really really strong . i'm pretty much guaranteed a job in colorado as soon as i graduate.
CONS
it's known as a party school. tuition for out-of-state is WAY UBER expensive. like.. it hurts me to think of how much it would cost. one year of marching band is required. and i really don't like the bassoon teacher. at all. he scares me and i think he's prejudiced against people from texas. no lie. haha. and it's really far from home. a 16 hour drive. sigh. that's just too far. and boulder is an expensive city to live in.
Louisiana State University
PROS
no marching band required. only like a four hour drive i think? i could very possibly not have to pay for tuition.
CONS
HURRICANES! haha. i don't want to deal with those for a while. the dorm rooms pretty much suck. and i just can't really see myself living there.

UNIVERSITY OF OKLAHOMA!!
PROS
i don't even know where to begin. the campus is SOOOO beautiful. and the town is just amazingly cute and old fashioned. the band is really good and the band directors are really nice and funny and like me. and the bassoon teacher is AMAZING. i could totally see myself being his student. he's so funny and unique and quite a talker. and he really really cares about his students and is really passionate about them. ANDDD i found out yesterday that i don't have to do marching band!!! which is really very exciting. and i was talking to the bassoon teacher and he basically told me that he would make sure that i get scholarship money. they love me there. and i love it there too! i can definitely see myself going there. like.. no other school compares. i can't even think of any CONS. sigh. i really hope it works out that i go there. although, i'm trying to not to make up my mind right now. because things and plans change. or rather, my plans don't always match up with God's exactly.


so yeah. that's where i stand on college. i'm so ready to be out of high school. you have no idea. i'm so tired of it.

i'll post about the rest of my trip soon, i promise. i was going to do it yesterday, but i was too tired and had too much to do. and right now i'm not really feeling it. but just to give you few cats who actually look at this something to read, i will briefly explained what went down today. in fragments rather than sentences. because i'm in that kind of mood.

last night checked online grades. 68 on calculus test. freak out because studied really hard for it and felt like i really knew the stuff. but that's life. self-esteem down.

regardless, woke up in very good mood because i saw jon yesterday.

got to school very very early for me.

teacher's assistant played with sparkly material with alexa. fun.

gov't started freaking out because test next tuesday. no time to study. gone all weekend and monday. crap. self esteem down.

english got transcript. GPA down, but rank up! no longer #35, but #32. have to work hard to keep GPA up to stay in summa cum laude. self esteem up.

band=gay. hate band. hate hate hate hate. fhgdsafgdsa

calculus really upset about test grade. turns out it was a mistake. grades entered into gradebook wrong. actually got a 96! self-esteem shot up. a lot.

lunch good mood left over from calculus.

PALs forgot song lyrics. doing song tomorrow. nervous. emotions were up and down throughout class.

computer science turns out teacher is martial arts instructor. knew he wasn't really a comp sci teacher. hate class. no idea what to do.

PALS student advisory board meeting. lots of fun. get to hang out with kelly condon and curtis gurka! i'm secretary! self-esteem way up. love PALs

marching band rehearsal. practiced bassoon for an hour. haven't practiced in two weeks. i suck. go outside to play show music for band and rehearse with them. first thing veenstra tells me after i start playing my solo "you really don't sound good at all." really really really really hurt me. all self-esteem and confidence gone. at least in regards to music. double reed section really sucks. neville doesn't pay attention. frustrating. hopefully gets better. wanted to cry the whole time. i hate band. faghdgsafjhldsgafhjdsgfahjldsgafjhdsgfajhlgdf

on a different note, i'm learning more and more to trust God. it's so hard. i want to know exactly what's going to happen in my future. and i've started stressing out about it. but i'm also learning how to just let it go and let God take care of it and it eases a lot of the worry.

Baylor & USAFA

we left yesterday (wednesday) afternoon and set on our adventure to colorado! we weren't planning on stopping at Baylor, but we ended up going through Waco, so we decided to go ahead. And i'm glad we did. before i saw the campus, i didn't think i would like it that much. i think it was just the idea of a private school. but we got there and looked around, and it is definitely a campus i can see myself living at. it's so incredibly pretty. i'm not sure how good the music program is, but cheryl (my lesson teacher) keeps asking me what i think of Baylor, so maybe that's because there's a good bassoon teacher? i don't know, i'll have to talk to her about it at my next lesson.the only problem with baylor, though, is the tuition. i am definitely not going to be able to pay for it. so it's not at the top of my list. but yeah. so we looked at baylor for about two hours with Rachel Lieber, who attends the school, and then we were on our way. we stopped for the night a few hours from amarillo and got this really cheap motel room. we definitely got what we paid for. haha. it had dead light bugs on the floor. and only had a bed and shower. but it's cool. we only needed to sleep, anyways. and then this morning we left around 8:30 and drove the rest of the way to colorado. we cut through the corner of new mexico, so that was really cool. i'd never been to new mexico. anyways, we got to colorado springs around 4ish? and met up with Daniel at the Unites States Air Force Academy. now, just to clear up any confusion this may cause, I AM NOT GOING TO BE IN THE AIR FORCE! haha. i would not last one freaking second. but since we were going to be incolorado, i knew daniel would appreciate a visit since he hasn't left the base/campus in three months so he hasn't seen anybody. it's really pretty there. definitely a lack of oxygen, but surrounded by beautiful mountains. and ironically, the song that came on my "gaypod" when we driving around the perimeter of the base was "Lead of Love." molly will appreciate that. hha. anyways. daniel showed us around. it was so cool getting to see him again and having him tell us everything about the campus. he totally loves it there, and it's totally evident in the way he talks about it. like.. when he would tell us the "traditions" and stuff, it made me excited. i mean, the traditions are totally intense and things you would expect at a military base, but he looks at it not as intense nasty things. but just something that has to be done. and he can't see himself being anywhere else. which is what i'm hoping i will be able to experience wherever i end up going to college. so after he showed us around, me and mom left and drove to boulder. and we got extremely lucky with finding a hotel. the CU vs WVU football game was tonight. and we ended up getting a room at a hotel fairly close to the campus for somewhat cheap compared to other hotel rates here. we got the last room :) so tomorrow we're going to go look at CU and then maybe drive up to fort collins and look at CSU. then drive out to shawnee, oklahoma and see marie! i will post more later!

you can go here for more Baylor pictures

or here for USAFA pictures