I don't know how I should feel.

I'm so ready to get out of this house. Only eight more months until I can leave for college.

But at the same time, I'm not ready at all. I don't want to leave my parents. I'm going to miss them so much. I don't appreciate them enough. I wasted eighteen years to show them how much I love them, and now I only have eight months left to do it in person. It's not enough time. I would actually probably consider community college for a year or two if my siblings weren't as frustrating as heck. If I got along with Morgan better, I would probably stay. But being around her just makes me more anxious to leave. But it's not fair for my parents for me to be so antsy to get out just because my sister is a jerk. 

Today after my last Christmas concert, I was talking to Dad and said something like "Don't worry, in eight months I'll be in college" and he said "No, it's not eight months" and I counted it out for him. And it looked like he teared up just the SLIGHTEST bit and said "That's too soon." I wanted to cry right then. It IS too soon. He keeps trying to push community college on me and I thought it was strictly for money, but maybe he's just not ready to give up his baby girl. He spent so much of my life not at home. What if he's regretting it? 

Eight months is too soon, but then again it can't come fast enough.

I feel like I'm being torn apart. 

I'm not ready for things to change.

But at the same time, I am ready to experience a new part of my life.