Update

My Eighteenth Birthday: 83 days
PROM: 246 days
Graduation: 282 days
"Homecoming": 29 days

Untitled

why do i even try talking to my dad anymore? it's always a hopeless cause. it always ends up in a fight or with him being disappointed in me or yelling at me for no reason. why do i even bother? i have to walk on eggshells when i'm talking to him and the outcome is NEVER the way i want it to be.

why can't he just be happy with me? why can't he just be proud of me? why does he always have to find something else to nag at me about? i try so hard to make him happy.

maybe it's not his fault. maybe it's my fault. maybe i really am being too selfish and greedy. maybe there isn't anything to be happy with. maybe there isn't anything to proud of. maybe i'm just his defective daughter that never does anything right.

But at least I have my Father in Heaven. He always loves me. No matter what I do wrong.
Thank You, Lord.

Time and Money, Money and Time.

I've been thinking alot lately. And I don't think I'm going to try out for the play at school. It wouldn't be fair to everybody else because I wouldn't be able to at all the rehearsals and I'm doing so many things that I wouldn't be able to be excellent at everything. And if I did do the play, honestly the activity that would suffer and be done poorly is the play. Plus, money situations in my family are really tight right now. So I'm not going to get much support from my dad when it comes time to pay for college. And I don't have much money saved up. So I really need to get a job. What sucks though is the only days I have free are Monday and Saturday. But hopefully next summer I'll be able to get a really good job and it'll make up for this year? I don't know. I'm starting to stress out about everything again. Mostly about college and how it's going to get paid for.

I'm having alot of trouble remembering that all of this is in God's control and that He'll provide for me and trusting Him.

Just For Fun

I'm going to create a countdown. Just to give me something to look forward to.

My Eighteenth Birthday: 94 days

PROM: 257 days

Graduation: 293 days

Those are the things I'm really looking forward to this year.

Besides when Jon comes into town of course. :)

I will see you again

I can tell I'm going to like blogging. haha. it's so... refreshing just talking to no one in particular about my day. Although I would rather just be telling Jon. But you know, whatever works, right?

So I woke up and went to the school to paint the parking space numbers in the Brigade Lot. And I get there are NO other band kids there. And one PALs member. The rest of the kids were brigade girls. omg. Anyways, it turns out Mr. Veenstra had told all the band kids at last night's practice not to come help. Of course, I don't go to the night practices. But oh well. So we had to sweep the parking lot and then put the number stencils down and then there was a paint sprayer machine. It was the most frustrating thing I've ever done. Mostly because me and Sarah Madden were the only ones really getting anything done. All the brigade girls were so incredibly slow. They would carry one stencil at a time or just stand there. But yeah. I got really sunburned even though it was cloudy. Crazy. I sweated alot and had alot of fun with Sarah, at least. OH and I got two blisters from SWEEPING. One of them popped while I was sweeping and I didn't even realize I had a blister until it popped and I felt this burning sensation in my thumb. And the other one's a little baby one on the side of my little knuckle on my ring finger. It's cute. And band was cool I guess. We listend to the H2 Saxophone Quartet. They're pretty much the best sax quartet in the country. It's amazing. I'm pretty sure saxophone is my favorite instrument when it's played in ensembles. I just love the sound of them. Amazing.

On a different note, I am incredibly ready for this year to be over. I'm so ready to move on to a different portion of my life. Things are different this year, but enough the same to make me uncomfortable. That probably doesn't make sense to anybody else. But I want to experience something totally new. I'm so jealous of Jon. Haha.

so there goes my life
passing by with every exit sign
its been so long
sometimes i wonder how i will stay strong
no sleep tonight
i'll keep on driving these dark highway lines
and as the moon fades
ive only got twenty more days
but i will see you again
i will see you again
a long time from now

I can't get it out of my head.

Let The Stress Begin.

I am just now fully realizing everything I am doing this upcoming year. How much I have going on. How little "Taylor-Time" I will really have. And I'm beginning to remember how being overwhelmed with stress feels.

Bobcat Express was today. Nothing too exciting. Parking stickers now cost $50 instead of like $35. My Student Assistant "course" is the same period as Tech Theatre, which is what I wanted. Anyways, this is what my schedule looks like.

1. Teacher's Assistant

2. Gov't AP/Dual

3. English IV AP

4. Band

5. Calculus BC

(Lunch?)

6. PALs

7. Computer Science K

Pretty do-able I guess. A good balance of fun and extremely hard. And I saw Alexa McLatcher. The Queen of Theatre. And the Children's Play this year is The Little Mermaid. Alexa is convinced I am the perfect person to play Ariel. And Mrs. Koern usually let's seniority rule when it comes to lead roles. So the other senior girls are me, Alexa, and Olivia. At least, those are the only ones I can think of. It has always been my dream to be a lead in a play. However, if I can convince Veenstra AND Koern to be a little lenient about my schedule and I make the play, my schedule will be jam packed. I would have Little Mermaid rehearsal from 3-5 everyday. Marching band from roughly 6-9 tuesday and thursday (maybe wednesday?). Then that leaves after 9 for all my ridiculous AP courses. So when is there time to practice bassoon, which is my main goal this year? I HAVE to make All-State this year. I made a deal with Veenstra that if I could be excused from 80% of the marching band practices, I would spend extra time playing bassoon. Which I intend to do. But I shouldn't feel like I have to ask permission to audition for a play from Veenstra. He is not in control of me. It's my senior year. I should be able to do what I want to do. I know that I work better when I have more stuff to do. I love being really busy.

This is my senior year. I do what I want. I'm auditioning for the play.

So next year, I will be involved in:

Marching Band, Theatre, Tech Theatre, Church Band, 4 AP Classes, PALs, Making All-State, NHS, Full Orchestra, Key Club, and hopefully something like Higher Dimensions or FCA.

I really hope I enjoy it.

Oh, and I'm REALLY frustrated with CollegeBoard right now.

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The End.

First Blog! Yay!

So this is my first blog! I'm not exactly sure how I want this to work yet. But just so there's not a big empty space on my page, I'll briefly state what I did today.

I deleted my myspace with Jon! Myspace is so stupid...

And I hung out with Jon. :)

I also bought a new planner and started adding all the football games and dates and stuff for the school year. I'm really excited about school now. Mostly all the random student holidays we have and prom and graduation. I can't wait until the Prom/Graduation portion of my life. I'm so ready for high school to be over. But I know that once it is over, I'll wish it wasn't. But hey, that's life.