i'll post about the rest of my trip soon, i promise. i was going to do it yesterday, but i was too tired and had too much to do. and right now i'm not really feeling it. but just to give you few cats who actually look at this something to read, i will briefly explained what went down today. in fragments rather than sentences. because i'm in that kind of mood.

last night checked online grades. 68 on calculus test. freak out because studied really hard for it and felt like i really knew the stuff. but that's life. self-esteem down.

regardless, woke up in very good mood because i saw jon yesterday.

got to school very very early for me.

teacher's assistant played with sparkly material with alexa. fun.

gov't started freaking out because test next tuesday. no time to study. gone all weekend and monday. crap. self esteem down.

english got transcript. GPA down, but rank up! no longer #35, but #32. have to work hard to keep GPA up to stay in summa cum laude. self esteem up.

band=gay. hate band. hate hate hate hate. fhgdsafgdsa

calculus really upset about test grade. turns out it was a mistake. grades entered into gradebook wrong. actually got a 96! self-esteem shot up. a lot.

lunch good mood left over from calculus.

PALs forgot song lyrics. doing song tomorrow. nervous. emotions were up and down throughout class.

computer science turns out teacher is martial arts instructor. knew he wasn't really a comp sci teacher. hate class. no idea what to do.

PALS student advisory board meeting. lots of fun. get to hang out with kelly condon and curtis gurka! i'm secretary! self-esteem way up. love PALs

marching band rehearsal. practiced bassoon for an hour. haven't practiced in two weeks. i suck. go outside to play show music for band and rehearse with them. first thing veenstra tells me after i start playing my solo "you really don't sound good at all." really really really really hurt me. all self-esteem and confidence gone. at least in regards to music. double reed section really sucks. neville doesn't pay attention. frustrating. hopefully gets better. wanted to cry the whole time. i hate band. faghdgsafjhldsgafhjdsgfahjldsgafjhdsgfajhlgdf

on a different note, i'm learning more and more to trust God. it's so hard. i want to know exactly what's going to happen in my future. and i've started stressing out about it. but i'm also learning how to just let it go and let God take care of it and it eases a lot of the worry.