I've been doing so good this week. I've been staying busy. I haven't been dwelling. I went to Jon's the night I found out and just sobbed. And after that, I told myself I was going to put it behind me at least until the funeral, and then I'm going to move on. I've been doing so good. But tonight, I have nothing to do. Nobody to talk to. Nothing to distract me but my computer and my TV. And I can't help but think about how she's not going to be there at Easter, or my birthday, or Thanksgiving, or Christmas. I wish I hadn't thrown all the birthday and Christmas cards from her away. Nobody close to me has ever died before. I mean, my aunt died when I was in middle school. But she lived in North Carolina and I only saw her a few times in my life. My mom's best friend's son died. He lived in Louisiana, and I have many memories of hanging out with him and his brothers when we would visit or when they would. But I hadn't seen him in years before he died. But I saw Grandma multiple times a year. It's going to be so weird.

I can't even remember her voice anymore.